High On ‘Lois’

when cartoonists stop caring.

Archive for the ‘wtf’ Category

I’m getting my material from other blogs now!

Posted by The Author on May 28, 2009

Huh?  Wha?  I’m too tired to make a proper entry right now — I don’t know when I won’t be too tired.  I forsee a giant post in the near future.  In the meantime, Tuesday’s H&L strip was featured today as a comic Bill doesn’t understand.  And rightly so!  I mean, Double-You Tee Eff, guys?


Posted in Uncategorized, wtf | Leave a Comment »

In which I mostly talk about tarty clothing stores.

Posted by The Author on May 26, 2009

Blingity-bloink.  What a day.  I don’t know if I’m up for it.

Hi and Lois, 5/25/09


Ah, Memorial Day.  Usually the comics page commemorates every holiday, major or not (even Administrative Professionals Day, I seem to remember!), but to my surprise, approximately zero strips in my local paper mentioned Our Troops And Such.  Not even Doonsbury, which is usually a source for veterans-related attention.  No one in the Sunday paper, either, except for… well, Doonsbury.  Is the comics page of my paper organized by communists?!

But this isn’t about other comics, it’s about H&L.  And all I have to say about Monday’s comic is this: AAAAHHHHHH WHAAAAATTTT I DON’T LIKE THIS ONE FOR SOME REASON GET IT AWAY FROM ME I FRIGGIN’ HATE THESE KIDS

Hi and Lois, 5/26/09


And then, today.  Our pals, Abercrombie & Fitch.  Yes, those are the names of the garbagemen.  I suspect that Mort Walker named the dudes back in, well, the fifties or sixties.  You know, back when it was a sporting goods and hunting equipment store, and not a young person’s apparel chain infamous for sexed-up beef- and cheese-cakes who play football and stand around smoldering enigmatically and don’t know how to wear sweaters correctly.  The founders are probably spinning in their graves.

But enough about that.  What the hell is going in this comic?  Why can’t Hi scale back to getting his garbage picked up twice a month?  Because he’s now on a personal level with his rubbish carriers which only complicates the professional business relationship.  I don’t know.  Do they really get their garbage picked up that early in the morning?  Our truck comes around at, like, four in the morning.

Augh!  Fitch’s (or Abercrombie’s) corncob pipe suddenly appears in Panel Two!  Who draws this?!  Did they go to school!?  I am frustrated!!!

Tomorrow I will be funny.  In the meantime, regard the best thing in the world that is Abercrombie & Fitch-related.

Posted in half-assed, munny, wtf | 3 Comments »

H&L 2: Electric Boogaloo

Posted by The Author on May 21, 2009

I was totes going to make an entry this morning, but more pressing issues were at hand.  Then I was going to make a post this afternoon, but then I realized: hey!  It’s my blog and I can slack if I want to!  So here we are.  Comix.

But first!  I am sorry to report that I had a dream about Hi and Lois.  Yes, really.  An ethnic person — no an ethnic family appeared in the comic, and I actually lived in the world of the comic (though no one looked comic-y) and I was just trying and trying to get a good a picture to post on the blog, because this was just so amazing: an entire ethnic family in H&L.  You know that persons of color are pretty rare in this particular strip.

Anyway, today I have Two Strange Comix for you.  Neither of them have any ethnicity in them.

Hi and Lois, 5/21/09


What does Hi Flagton do for a living?  He works in an office and carries a briefcase, so he must be an accountant, or a paralegal, or in sales, or a banker, or some such Generic Businessman.  A business is being run.  By whom, and what for, is anyone’s guess.

Unless this “trip” of which the family speaks isn’t a business trip at all, but instead, say, a hospitalization of some sort.  “Yes, Dad will be back soon, children.  Very soon.”

What does that “W” on Dot’s sweater stand for?  Wellesley?  Wanker?  And Ditto wants to take his lunch to school in an air sickness bag… so that people will think he eats vomit?

Hi and Lois, 5/22/09


Holy sheet, this comic is terrifying.  Mostly because of the imagery.  Have you ever seen a break-dancing baby?  God, I hope not, and if you did, said baby was probably having a seizure and I hope everything ended well for you.  What are the Kids doing with a giant 80s-style boombox in the middle of their living room, I wonder?  Invoking the spirit of the Fresh Prince?  I guess that would be kind of close to ethnicity.  I’m obsessed with ethnicity!

You know, this joke has already been told in the comics pages — over twenty-four years ago.

Posted in ethnicity, from the mouths of babes, google-eyes, wtf | Leave a Comment »

Not going to make a Baha Men joke.

Posted by The Author on May 17, 2009

Sunday!  Sunday!  Sunday!  Though it really doesn’t feel like a real Sunday, considering it’s mid-May and we’ve barely broken forty-eight degrees F today.  I am sick of this crappy weather.  Summer just doesn’t want to come, does it?

But forget about that crap!  Comix are on the horizon, and we have two special appearances in today’s post, one from H&L‘s sister comic, Beetle Bailey!  The other — well, hold onto your hats, because we’re about to see the very first Kind Of Actual Representation of an Ethnic Entity in the history of High on ‘Lois’.  Brace yourselves!!

Hi and Lois, 5/17/09


You may be asking, “Slag, where is this black-or-Asian-or-miscellaneous ethnic person?  Well, it’s not a person, actually, and I didn’t even notice it myself until I read the dead-tree version of the comic this morning, and it’s really not that exciting, so, sorry.  In the first panel of the last row, in the Hunting Dogs balloon, one can just see what appears to be a brown pooch wearing a West African dashiki and pointing out the harmless little lion to the Ruthless European Big Game Hunter.  You know, the standard native guide in the jungle/savanna/everglades/mountains/thicket kind of guy.  Not the most appropriate, I know, but then again I’m not too keen on the pink, be-Afroed poodle in the dead center of the comic.  There are male poodles as well, guys…

But anyway.  I’m pretty big on dog show competitions, so my first though when reading this comic was that they forgot the Hound Group.  I guess there’s no clever way for Trixie to misinterpret “hound” unless they show stalker-dogs or something.  And as an owner of teeny tiny Terriers, I must protest, sir, at the depiction of Toy Dogs as portly, incessantly barking Golden Retrievers in top hats.  Our dogs rarely bark, and even more rarely yip.  No, really!

Whew.  I said there was going to be some BB action in this post, didn’t I?  I did!

Beetle Bailey, 5/17/09

BB, 5/17/09

I didn’t see this until this morning, and then it was without the throwaway panels at the top.  Imagine reading this comic without the top row, and imagine my confusion at seeing Killer (if that is his real name) sitting with a doll-like beady-eyed chick in a cocktail dress and heels.  Imagine walking in those heels through the grass.  You’d puncture the ground with every step.  The fact that they just came from a movie clarifies this a bit, I guess, but it still doesn’t explain why every other woman in the vicinity is wearing the same exact get-up.  Maybe they’re coming from a convention or something.  A convention for attractive women with unfortunately deformed mouths that constantly hang open like a baby bird’s.  Seriously, what is wrong with them?

And even more confusedly, if Killah and Chicklady have just come from a movie, they must have gone to the Extra-Super-Early Matinee, because it’s still blinding daylight outside.  Not quite grounds for eveningwear in my book, but hey, to each their own.

And, of course, the most confusing thing of all is that Killer’s hat wriggles when he’s horny.  There is no reason for this to happen.  It makes me hate him.  “Kiss me, Killer.”  “Sure!”  What a loser.

Posted in ethnicity, from the mouths of babes, google-eyes, other comix, wtf | 1 Comment »

Aren’t ALL dinosaurs prehistoric?

Posted by The Author on May 7, 2009

I’ve got to wake up at approximately four AM tomorrow morning, so this will be short.  Hey, I’m not complaining; at least I have a job.  I just wish the hours were more consistent.  Ah, l’amour! Or something like that.  Angst.  Whatever.

Hi and Lois, 5/7/09


I don’t know if we’ve ever heard Dawg speak in this strip.  At least not in recent memory.  He’s not really known for his snarky thoughts, unlike other humanistic animals like Garfield and Buckles.  Though Buckles doesn’t speak through thought-bubbles, unlike most other comic animals.  And his owners don’t seem to be concerned by his sentience.  I have always wondered about this.*

ANYway… Chip found a fossil in the sandbox.  No, he didn’t.  Everybody knows that, except for Ditto and his idiot friend.  Who is that kid?  I’ve never seen him before.  His greasy black bangs bring to mind a sort of pint-sized Willard.  Maybe he is the brother of Chip’s Portly Friend** standing slightly out of frame, a giant piece of popcorn attacking his head. One thing is for certain: tomorrow’s comic has got to be better than this one, or I’m going to put my head through a window.  A closed window.

*I just got sidetracked for a whole five minutes reading the bio of the Buckles creator.  He seems like a good guy!

**I’ve tried looking up his name, to no avail.  But I did learn that the garbage collectors are named Abercrombie and Fitch.  Um.  Which one is which, I wonder?

Posted in half-assed, skipped periods, wtf | 1 Comment »

Maybe you should have bought FLOOD INSURANCE!

Posted by The Author on May 5, 2009

Happy Cinco de Mayo, y’all!  My comrade has informed me that most persons of the Mexican persuasion celebrate on the first Sunday of May, though, so I guess I missed it completely.  But forget about all that. ONE THOUSAND VIEWSSSS, BITCHES!!

Hi and Lois, 5/5/09


…and to celebrate, Depressing Comix!  You know that recession?  It’s still happening!  Ahaha!  You know, if you had saved your money under the mattress instead of in a rickety old bank and dumb ol’ stocks, you mightn’t be in this situation.  What a fool.

Something funny… need something funny… um… Mr. T’s arms are too short!  Ahaha!  Oh, you guys.  Just continued on your merry way to the TIVO store.

Here’s a comic I missed during my period of life-paying-attention-to.*  It’s a bit weird.

Hi and Lois, 4/23/09


I have a few issues.

1) Yes, Ditto, you are too old, when your “superhero underwear” consists of striped shorts, a t-shirt with a logo, a belt, and goddamn slippers.

2) The background in this strip is totally effing nuts.  First panel: are they in the bathroom?  Why is Dot walking in on her brother in the bathroom when he is in his underwear?  Is that a counter top and sink behind them?  The bathtub?  A radiator?  Is that the shower curtain, or some really ugly drapes?  And then in the second panel, everything is different!   I don’t know why I continue to be surprised by that, but I am.

3) Why is Dot walking in on her brother in the bathroom when he is in his underwear.

*Mental health week?  Personal Times?  The correct term evades me.

Posted in current events, munny, mutations, stubbiness syndrome, wtf | 1 Comment »

Tuesday? More like TWOsday!

Posted by The Author on April 28, 2009

Hoo-dee-doo.  According to my stats I got a (baffling) thirty-seven hits per day for the last two days of my absence.  Lack of H&L makes people visit more?  It is a mystery.


Hi and Lois, 4/28/09


This car salesman looks familiar… at least, in the second panel he does.  Apparently the sanguine movie theater employee from last month quit his job at the Megat 8 Cinemas and took up dealing cars.  A little less hair, yes, but it’s definitely him.  Anyhoozle.  I didn’t think Hi’s kids were still of the age that they needed constant distraction in the car, lest they tear each other to bits arguing over who crossed the Invisible Line dividing the backseat.

The car doesn’t strike me as something Hi would drive.  It’s too Lincoln-y.  Like something my grandfather would own, in white no less.  Also, he shouldn’t go around with a blank license plate like that.

Hmm… I think, arguably, this could be categorized as a 2 Panels 1 Joke.  I mean, take away the first frame and the salesman’s happy-face, make CARS more prominent, and you’ve got a single-paneler similar to The Flying McCoys*.  YannowhutImean?

Hi and Lois, 4/20/09


What’s this?? A comic from forever-ago?  Yes.  There are a few H&Ls from the last few weeks that are too strange not to make some sort of comment.

The Nostalgia Channel.  Is there such a channel?  Technically yes: but in the past.  It’s now called the AmericanLife TV Network and it reruns television series from the 50s and 60s.  Owned by the Unification Church.  Consistent money-loser.  I bet you did not know these things.  So, are they watching television in the past, then, or is Hi just experiencing early on-set Alzheimer’s?  That would be sad.

Hi needn’t explain what they’re watching.  Lois should be able to figure it out on her own.  And if I were here, my response wouldn’t be a cheery “So, what do you think?”, it would be “Why on earth would you do such a thing when we have a perfectly good Xbox** sitting three feet away?”  Ditto is obviously not enjoying it, as he has already degenerated into scrawling the names of these shows on the walls.  There is no escape, is there?  A heavy storm cloud hangs over Hi’s head at his son’s insipid comment.  “People arent [sic] as funny in black-and-white.”  Ever seen Buster Keaton?  Young FrankensteinDuck SoupTop Hat? The Women (the old one, not the terrible new one)?  You ignoramous!

Since I am now a nine-to-fiver (or more accurately, a seven-to-twoer; or a whenever-I-am-scheduleder), I can’t stay up ’til Hey-Ho PM and write about the next day’s comic.  I guess I could just do it in the morning, but that means I would have to wake up even earlier and I would not be as funny.  Those entries would read something close to “WHAT WHAT THIS MAKES NO SENSE I EFFING HATE THIS COMIXXZGHZBSVVA” and we don’t want that, now, do we?

*I apologize, Glenn and Gary McCoy.  You are much, much funnier than these hacks.  I wish I could find a .jpg of your “scooter” comic that made me el-oh-el.  Oh, gosh, I’d describe it, but it would be better if you just saw it.

**Fer reals, I do own an Xbox, but I mostly use it for playing Rock Band.  I like to play!

Posted in 2 panels 1 joke, half-assed, pop culture, stubbiness syndrome, wtf | Leave a Comment »

Bring in da Noyz, bring in the What the F**k?!

Posted by The Author on April 27, 2009

Argh.  Thanks for the encouraging (and sometimes sarcastic) comments.  I’m about a week and a half behind, I know.  I figure I’ll just do two comics a day or so until I’m caught up, because, seriously, there were some strange comics these past few days.  Anyway.  I just got back from the first day of my new day-job and I’m tired and cranky, so this will probably be short and uncharacteristically mean-spirited.  But I guess we’ll see.

Hi and Lois, 4/26/09


This is yesterday’s comic. I initially read it in the newspaper, so I didn’t get the perplexing throwaway panel.  “Blah blah blah blah blah.  CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW?!”  Um.  What?  Are these lyrics, or is it just a sound check?  Either way, I am saddened.  That is the worst song/soundcheck I have ever heard.  But then again, what can you expect from a band called “Noyz”?

Chip’s getup is absolutely ludicrous.  What the fark is he wearing?  A ladybug-patterned sock-cap?  Apparently it brings in the lady listeners, however, as three girls inexplicably appear and show interest in these three clowns.  Those girls would not be interested in those boys.  Those boys are losers.  Period.  “Grab a seat”?  Where?

Also, on a side-note, have you noticed that all the fictional bands you see in the comics or in cartoons or whatever lack a proper bass and have one guy (or girl) on the keyboard?  Now, I’m very positive towards synthesizers (I love me some Depeche Mode), but where hath gone all the basses?  Do they think viewers would be confused if there were two guitar-shaped instruments?  Also, notice how Portly Friend’s kickdrum lacks an actual kicking mechanisim.  I know H&L isn’t known for its fantastic artwork, but still…

Hi and Lois, 4/27/09


And now, today’s comic.

Well, Hi, you have to include wages for staff, including the host/hostess, servers, cooks, busboys; and for the general maintenance of the restaurant itself.  But oh, wait, that’s the logical, non-funny answer.  The funny answer is… oh, wait, there’s no funny answer in this comic, either.  Do they have enough money to pay the bill, or will they be sent back to wash dishes?  Er, does that ever happen in real life?  I would like to say “probably not”.

That’s enough for today.  I need to go break up a dogfight.

Posted in crossed arms, god what awful noyz, munny, real-ish, skipped periods, wtf | 3 Comments »

Awash in an ocean of amotion.

Posted by The Author on April 16, 2009

Guys, I totes have a job interview tomorrow, and I’m a wee bit nervous, both because this is my first “real” interview after years of freelancing, and because I am still trying to get an interview at the place where I really want to work.  At any rate, it’ll be good practice.  Right?  Right.  I need me some employment, as I am going stir crazy.  I mean, I started a snarky blog about an outdated newspaper comic.  The “crazy” part is evident.

Hi and Lois, 4/17/09


Such devotion.  A repartotion of emotion.  I motion the commotion, but where’d he get the notion?  He won’t get a promotion with that locomotion.  Love potion?  Misdevotion.  Don’t forget the lotion.

Beat poetry.  I love it!  Wait, scratch that.  Rhyming “emotion” with “motion” is barely a level above rhyming “one” with “down”.  Good job.

I do love the rather misinformed depiction of The ‘Teen-Agers in this strip.  I don’t think I knew anyone in high school who had a septum piercing, but then again, I went to a fairly yuppyish high school, with carbon-copy boys in khaki cargo pants, polo shirts, white tennis shoes with those short sport socks, and miskept, overgrown hair poking out under their Abercrombie baseball caps.  Not that I was paying attention.  And I adore Chip’s Portly Friend’s sailor cap and poofy poodle bangs.  Hahaha: what the hell?  In other news, is it too much to ask for the artist to include a few more lines in his drawing so that the gray rectangles under the kids’ arms look more like books and less like cardboard inserts you find in new men’s shirts?

The word “lotion” looks weirder and weirder the longer I stare at it.  Lotion.  Lotion.

Posted in "quotes", google-eyes, real-ish, skipped periods, stubbiness syndrome, wtf | Leave a Comment »

Probably I don’t talk much about the comic in this post. We’ll see.

Posted by The Author on April 15, 2009

Hi and Lois, 4/16/09


(long, exasperated sigh)  Do the Common People really find the Iconic* Smart-Talking Precocious Baby that funny?  Because it seems like the theme comes up very often in the American funny pages.  Take, for example, Marvin.  I despise that comic with every fiber of my being, perhaps even more than Mallard Fillmore (and I would rather have my gums scraped than have MF run in our newspaper again, so you might be able to gauge exactly how out-of-proportion I can be with my feelings towards some legacy comics).  Why?  I dunno, really — I guess I just don’t appreciate infantile humor (infantile here referring to literal babies: babies freak me out, yo) like some people do?  Totally unrelated topic: have you seen the previews for that movie with Seth… er, Rogen, called… um… Security… no, damn it, I have to look it up.  (Hum-didda-hee-hee…hoo-ah-hoo-ah…)  Observe and Report!  That’s what it is called.  Anyway, its humor may be less sophomoric than the usual Seth Rogen fare**, but the previews completely turned me off.  They claim to have “shocking” content.  Count me out!

What was my point?  Oh, right!  I don’t like stupid humor, unless it’s smart stupid humor.  I can’t explain it.  I’m tired.

Back to the comic.

1) Why did Lois want to show Hi some of the hideous crayon scrawls on the wall?  As proof?  She sure as heckfire doesn’t seem proud of her daughter’s creativity, with that sour expression on her face.  So: beats me.

2) It’s night outside, as one can plainly tell from the crescent moon hanging low in the sky.  Does Hi get home from the office at 10pm?  And does their community get an evening paper, or is that today’s news under his arm and he’s just really behind on current events?  Probably the real answer is more boring than any of my speculations: the artist probably did not want to draw a background, so slapped in an inky-black night and went to lunch.

Hmm.  I thought the post for this one would be pretty short, considering how dull the strip is today (today?), but apparently I can ramble quite a bit about random crap!  Well done, KT.  Have a cigar.***

*It took me forever to remember the word “iconic”.  Don’t you hate when that happens?

**Disclaimer: I have not seen a single movie with Seth Rogen in it except for Kung Fu Panda, but that doesn’t really count, does it?  So there may be some superdy-duper funny bits in his movies, but I would not know, because I refuse to see them.  Also, Judd Apatow: what the hell?

***not really

Posted in from the mouths of babes, half-assed, wtf | 1 Comment »