High On ‘Lois’

when cartoonists stop caring.

Archive for the ‘skipped periods’ Category

Happy Monday! I guess.

Posted by The Author on June 1, 2009

Let’s get this over with.  I mean, let’s read some Comix!

Hi and Lois, 5/28/09


I don’t have much to say about this one except: now that’s squalor.  My room has looked like that many a time, what with random bitty scraps of paper lying around.  I don’t know about every single drawer bulging open, though.  I’d rather not put anything in drawers at all.  I’m betting Lois is wishing she hadn’t lined the floors with black carpet over the entire house.

Hi and Lois, 5/29/09


Computers will always be too slow, because our attention spans are continuing to wane.  The idea of a Computer-Of-The-Month club both excites and terrifies me, touching both my nerdy and environmentalist sides.  Anyway, what was I talking about?  Oh yeah.  People suck.

Hi and Lois, 5/30/09


Golf! It’s funny!  Screw you.

Hi and Lois, 5/31/09


Okay. Here we go.  The real meat ‘n’ potatoes of this week.  I can just never get enough of Noyz, can you?  They have such a coherent style!  I’m kidding, of course.  What the Eff.  Chip, are you a hippie?  What’s Mohawk Guy doing there?  Jerry!  Are you supposed to be a bellhop?

I read this comic in the Sunday paper, initially, and knew I just had to see the throwaway panels.  I hoped that they would contain more of Chip’s brilliant lyrics, but it does not.  Apparently the band only has two songs, “Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah (Can You Here Me Now)” and this gem, the Shortest, Angriest Song in the World.  Now, I listen to some pretty questionable music sometimes.  Never have I heard a lyric as explicit and vulgar as “Go ahead and Die! Die! Die!”.  I think they need some work.  Also, what the hell?  Don’t they know that Hi is a Baby-Boomer Parental Figure and will object to all music that doesn’t come from, I dunno, Neil Young or someone?*

They don’t have girlfriends.  Who’s surprised?

That about wraps up the month of May, I guess.  I’ll start with today’s comic tomorrow, along with tomorrow’s comic.  Did that make sense?  I’m sure it did.  See you later.

*Digression: My father has begun playing the video game Rock Band recently, and lemme tell you — it’s the strangest thing in the world to see my dad playing Rage Against The Machine songs and asking what the lyrics are in a Linkin Park song.  “What are they saying?  Stand up when you’re talking to me?”  No, Dad, it’s shut up when you’re talking to me, a physical impossibility unless you know sign language.


Posted in "quotes", age, crossed arms, god what awful noyz, google-eyes, headbands, skipped periods | 4 Comments »

Social lives are for ethnic people.

Posted by The Author on May 24, 2009

I would have had a post up yesterday, but I have a terrible case of Bad Internet.  So anyway.  Let’s get this over with.

Hi and Lois, 5/23/09


Where are they?  I don’t know.  Perhaps they’re coming from church, whose steeple I can see towering in the background.  Does… does anyone ever stop an entire group of people just to tell them what a lovely family they are, sans the moody teenage son?  People stop to tell us how cute our dogs are.  And of course, everyone thought I was an adorable baby.  But this…?  It’s a bit odd.  You don’t even know that they are a family, ma’am, or that Hi is their real father.  Which he isn’t.

Anyway.  I like (yes, like) two things about this strip.  I un-ironically like that the date is written on the door of the non-descript building — an actual good example of incorporating the meta with the art.  I ironically like the bleak, torn Circus poster hanging next to Chip’s devil-may-care pose.  Chip.  You are fooling no one.

Hi and Lois, 5/24/09


Auurgh, this is such crap.  No, sorry, that’s not funny — I need to actually point out some things.  What follows are things that I am pointing out.

  • Milton! says Lois’s shirt.  Or does it say… Wilton?  I can’t really tell.  If it really does say Wilton, that proves a point we’ve been pondering in the comments.  Another shout out to the homies in Connecticut from my dawgs B & G Walker.  Does Lois wear anything on her day off that doesn’t recall college?
  • Debbie and J.C.; are they too a real entity?  Or is “J.C.” merely a reminder of our Lord Christ?
  • There doesn’t seem to be a proper apostrophe in Lois’s second-panel dialogue.  “Weve”?  Also, check out that thousand mile stare as she remembers happier times.
  • Also, “Yay!”?  Are we three years old, Lois?
  • The wide shot of the squalid living room kinda cracks me up.  It is practically cartoonish in its ruin, is it not?  A sock hanging off the lamp.  Empty cans of Beige Brand Beer lying sideways on the coffee table.  A bulging bookbag hooked precariously over the edge of the flatscreen television, threatening to pull it over and shatter it all over the damn carpet.  No house looks like this.  (Well, I hope no house does.)
  • It might be difficult to see in the tiny web-version of the comic, but Trixie is defying the laws of physics.  She brings down a dustbunny (or crumpled paper, or cartoon cloud) in her tiny hand, and then radically alters its projectory so that it flies across the room instead of burying itself in the ground?  This was drawn by the same people who don’t know how motion lines work.
  • The Flagston Parents live a sad and lonely life, alienated from the other families who have a more sane amount of offspring.
  • God, these people cross their arms more than anyone on earth!  No one crosses their arms that much!  I know you’re trying to add variety and sassiness to your drawings but it’s just annoying me!
  • Sorry about that.

Happy Labor Day Memorial Day weekend!  I mix those two up sometimes.

Posted in age, crossed arms, real-ish, skipped periods | Leave a Comment »

Aren’t ALL dinosaurs prehistoric?

Posted by The Author on May 7, 2009

I’ve got to wake up at approximately four AM tomorrow morning, so this will be short.  Hey, I’m not complaining; at least I have a job.  I just wish the hours were more consistent.  Ah, l’amour! Or something like that.  Angst.  Whatever.

Hi and Lois, 5/7/09


I don’t know if we’ve ever heard Dawg speak in this strip.  At least not in recent memory.  He’s not really known for his snarky thoughts, unlike other humanistic animals like Garfield and Buckles.  Though Buckles doesn’t speak through thought-bubbles, unlike most other comic animals.  And his owners don’t seem to be concerned by his sentience.  I have always wondered about this.*

ANYway… Chip found a fossil in the sandbox.  No, he didn’t.  Everybody knows that, except for Ditto and his idiot friend.  Who is that kid?  I’ve never seen him before.  His greasy black bangs bring to mind a sort of pint-sized Willard.  Maybe he is the brother of Chip’s Portly Friend** standing slightly out of frame, a giant piece of popcorn attacking his head. One thing is for certain: tomorrow’s comic has got to be better than this one, or I’m going to put my head through a window.  A closed window.

*I just got sidetracked for a whole five minutes reading the bio of the Buckles creator.  He seems like a good guy!

**I’ve tried looking up his name, to no avail.  But I did learn that the garbage collectors are named Abercrombie and Fitch.  Um.  Which one is which, I wonder?

Posted in half-assed, skipped periods, wtf | 1 Comment »

Bring in da Noyz, bring in the What the F**k?!

Posted by The Author on April 27, 2009

Argh.  Thanks for the encouraging (and sometimes sarcastic) comments.  I’m about a week and a half behind, I know.  I figure I’ll just do two comics a day or so until I’m caught up, because, seriously, there were some strange comics these past few days.  Anyway.  I just got back from the first day of my new day-job and I’m tired and cranky, so this will probably be short and uncharacteristically mean-spirited.  But I guess we’ll see.

Hi and Lois, 4/26/09


This is yesterday’s comic. I initially read it in the newspaper, so I didn’t get the perplexing throwaway panel.  “Blah blah blah blah blah.  CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW?!”  Um.  What?  Are these lyrics, or is it just a sound check?  Either way, I am saddened.  That is the worst song/soundcheck I have ever heard.  But then again, what can you expect from a band called “Noyz”?

Chip’s getup is absolutely ludicrous.  What the fark is he wearing?  A ladybug-patterned sock-cap?  Apparently it brings in the lady listeners, however, as three girls inexplicably appear and show interest in these three clowns.  Those girls would not be interested in those boys.  Those boys are losers.  Period.  “Grab a seat”?  Where?

Also, on a side-note, have you noticed that all the fictional bands you see in the comics or in cartoons or whatever lack a proper bass and have one guy (or girl) on the keyboard?  Now, I’m very positive towards synthesizers (I love me some Depeche Mode), but where hath gone all the basses?  Do they think viewers would be confused if there were two guitar-shaped instruments?  Also, notice how Portly Friend’s kickdrum lacks an actual kicking mechanisim.  I know H&L isn’t known for its fantastic artwork, but still…

Hi and Lois, 4/27/09


And now, today’s comic.

Well, Hi, you have to include wages for staff, including the host/hostess, servers, cooks, busboys; and for the general maintenance of the restaurant itself.  But oh, wait, that’s the logical, non-funny answer.  The funny answer is… oh, wait, there’s no funny answer in this comic, either.  Do they have enough money to pay the bill, or will they be sent back to wash dishes?  Er, does that ever happen in real life?  I would like to say “probably not”.

That’s enough for today.  I need to go break up a dogfight.

Posted in crossed arms, god what awful noyz, munny, real-ish, skipped periods, wtf | 3 Comments »

Awash in an ocean of amotion.

Posted by The Author on April 16, 2009

Guys, I totes have a job interview tomorrow, and I’m a wee bit nervous, both because this is my first “real” interview after years of freelancing, and because I am still trying to get an interview at the place where I really want to work.  At any rate, it’ll be good practice.  Right?  Right.  I need me some employment, as I am going stir crazy.  I mean, I started a snarky blog about an outdated newspaper comic.  The “crazy” part is evident.

Hi and Lois, 4/17/09


Such devotion.  A repartotion of emotion.  I motion the commotion, but where’d he get the notion?  He won’t get a promotion with that locomotion.  Love potion?  Misdevotion.  Don’t forget the lotion.

Beat poetry.  I love it!  Wait, scratch that.  Rhyming “emotion” with “motion” is barely a level above rhyming “one” with “down”.  Good job.

I do love the rather misinformed depiction of The ‘Teen-Agers in this strip.  I don’t think I knew anyone in high school who had a septum piercing, but then again, I went to a fairly yuppyish high school, with carbon-copy boys in khaki cargo pants, polo shirts, white tennis shoes with those short sport socks, and miskept, overgrown hair poking out under their Abercrombie baseball caps.  Not that I was paying attention.  And I adore Chip’s Portly Friend’s sailor cap and poofy poodle bangs.  Hahaha: what the hell?  In other news, is it too much to ask for the artist to include a few more lines in his drawing so that the gray rectangles under the kids’ arms look more like books and less like cardboard inserts you find in new men’s shirts?

The word “lotion” looks weirder and weirder the longer I stare at it.  Lotion.  Lotion.

Posted in "quotes", google-eyes, real-ish, skipped periods, stubbiness syndrome, wtf | Leave a Comment »

The April Fool’s that comes in the middle of the month

Posted by The Author on April 14, 2009

So… comics.

Hi and Lois, 4/15/09


Ah-HA!  There’s that second Tax-Time comic I was expecting.  And luckily it’s only funny to accountants!  The first panel is totally superfluous, you know that, don’t you?  I think that should be a new category.  Something like… “two panels, one joke”.  No cups, though.  Ahaha, I hope no one got that one!

Er, Mr. T, I think that if you’re only just now getting around to filing your taxes, on the very day that said taxes are due, then you’re going to have a few problems.  And then the blatant illegal requests.  I like the taxman’s magical desk, though: the sign in the background stays the same, but the tabletop tilts like one of them old-fangled boxes with the maze inside and you have to guide the little ball through.  Okay, that’s a reach, but I couldn’t find a shorter term for such a box, except “Labyrintspel”, and that’s pretty obscure, don’tcha think?

The sketchy, thick-lined artist is back.  And Thurston is blond again.  Manic-Depressive Comix!

Posted in 2 panels 1 joke, current events, munny, mutations, skipped periods | Leave a Comment »

Some post-Easter frivolities

Posted by The Author on April 14, 2009

Well, I suppose I can’t put this off any longer, or else the comics will just keep on buildin’ up and buildin’ up and soon I’ll be even more miserable.  So forgive me if I’m a little short in this post; I’m just not feelin’ it today.  Also, I’ve been droppin’ my g’s, a sure sign that I am beginning to lose it.  Er, excuse me, I mean beginnin’.

Hi and Lois, 4/11/09


Of course there’s enough for her: they’re eating invisible food.  Unless they plan on sharing that green cartoon duck’s foot in the center of the table.  Seriously, Chance Brown, would it have taken you more than five minutes to plop a few steaks on those plates?  Or even the ol’ generic Food Lumps?  Please.

Hmm.  What could Mrs. Thurston (I know she has a first name… Irma?  I’m not going to look it up) have been making so close to dinner that required a cup of sugar?  A friggin’ dinner-cake?  Unless she sent Mr. T off earlier that afternoon and just now realized that he hadn’t returned.

Hi and Lois, 4/12/09


Ignoring the lameness of the jokes in this “comic”, who the heck gives a very breakable egg to an infant?  She’s going to stuff the whole thing in her mouth and choke on that bitch.  Ah, well.  So, are they coloring eggs on Easter morning?  I suppose so, since Ditto is flaunting his chocolate booty.  My family goes to church at seven forty-five on Easter morning.  We don’t got no time to sit around and color eggs.  Actually, that’s why Easter is probably my least favorite holiday: because I have to wake up early.  Anyway.  Screw all y’all.

Hi and Lois, 4/13/09


I read Monday’s strip in the paper on Monday morning, not the night before on the Internet like I usually do.  So when I read this strip, I immediately thought: “Rating the holidays by the quantity of candy?!?  With that logic, the order of holidays should be Christmas, then Easter, then Halloween, because, honestly, Christmas is gift-centric, not candy-centric.  Another flawed rating system!  If only I could tell everyone how irked I am at this comic strip!”  Then I remembered that I write a blog about this comic strip.  Luckily.

Hi and Lois, 4/14/09


Aaaahhhh, finally, Tax Comix!  And the day before our taxes are due!  H&L, you have surprised me!

Er, are doing one’s taxes really that, ahem, taxing nowadays?  Now that we have our fancy-schmancy computer programs and so forth.  I mean, it’s really not that difficult: enter your W2s, 1099s if you have them (I do, sometimes), enter your deductions… bam.  You’re done.  Maybe it’s just me, but it’s not like the friggin’ Apocalypse or something. It doesn’t make me dream up fakey prescription medications that no doubt have a laundry list of side-effects.  Tax Lax, indeed.  What is this sudden fascination with prescription medications?  It may be that the writers are old.


I’ve got House Hunters on in the background while I write this (shut up, it’s either that or Generic “An Animal Is Eating Me” Show), and one of the homebuyers has the same name as I do.  And the realtor keeps saying her name; like, sandwiching sentences with it.  “KT, how do you like this room, KT?”  It’s very distracting.  I’m always suspicious of people who use people’s names too often.  I know they do it to seem more friendly and personable.  It doesn’t work on me.

Posted in "quotes", crossed arms, from the mouths of babes, google-eyes, half-assed, munny, skipped periods | 2 Comments »

Baby, you can drive my car — if you’re really careful.

Posted by The Author on April 9, 2009

Hi and Lois, 4/10/09


I remember my first car accident.  It coincided with my first feature film job; I think we were about a week in when one morning, traveling to set, I was quite late.  Well, quite late for me: ten minutes or so.  I’m usually pretty punctual.  But I digress.  I was heading downtown in the usual morning rush-hour traffic.  My attention was diverted for a single second — I looked back at the road and saw that I was barreling towards the car in front of me at about forty miles per hour.  I hit the breaks and coasted to a stop: my front end came right up against the bumper of the car in front of me — clunkAAAAGHHHH MY GODDDDD, I said… on the inside.  On the outside I was quite calm, and the driver waved me over to the shoulder.  Thank Maude we were already in the furthest right lane, or else I don’t know what I would have done in that traffic.  And also thank Maude the other driver was a very nice female college student.  The only damage was to my license plate, which was bent inward.  We went our separate ways without further incident.  Now I had a really good excuse for being late to set.  And then it turned out that I wasn’t late at all.  So it ended up not mattering at all.

My second (and only other “accident”) was a little more exciting, but I’ll save that story for a rainy day.

What is Hi staring at in the first panel?  A giant spider in the corner of the kitchen?  Has Jesus appeared somewhere out of frame?  And then in Panel Two, Lois is again deformed, bobbly-headed and stubby-armed.  Poor Lois.

I’ve also backed into the garbage can a few times, but we’ve got huge-o plastic ones that just fall over into the street and I have to dash out and retrieve it.  I have no idea how Chip could have damaged a garbage can the way he has in this strip.  Maybe a couple of children were bracing it.

Posted in google-eyes, real-ish, skipped periods, stubbiness syndrome | Leave a Comment »

It’s time for the Cleeeean House!

Posted by The Author on April 6, 2009

So I’ve been bloggin’ H&L for over a month, missing very few days.  That’s pretty sad impressive.  As was bound to happen, some of my real-life friends found what I have written, and read the entire archives; no doubt they question my sanity now.  No, I jest: they seem pretty cool about it.  That’s why they are my friends.  They appreciate strange obsessions.  And such.  Anyhoozle.  Without further ado: today’s comic.

Hi and Lois, 4/6/09


Who is “they”?  The Style Network?  The In-laws?  The kids?  The voices in her head?  I’m glad she’s keeping that pogo stick.  And I’m sure The Poor will appreciate the shoebox.

This comic makes me sad because it reminds me of things I should probably do soon: like, clean out my closet and donate things to charity because — heckfire — I certainly don’t need all of it.  I have the bad habit of getting distracted while I clean, though.  I’ll come across something like a notebook full of old drawings and I’ll spend the next half-hour taking a trip down memory lane, amazed at how horrible an artist I used to be.*  Or I’ll find my bin of Grand Champions and before I know it I’m brushing out their tails and braiding their manes and trotting them around my room.  Well, that hasn’t happened for a while, but you get the idea.  I’ve got a lot of memories stacked up in my closet.

Which brings me to my next question.  What exactly is Lois organizing and where is she now?  The basement?  The living room?  A parking lot?  A dentist’s office?  Hi’s got that damn newspaper again.  Do Dads always wander around with newspapers in their hands?  The answer: yes, it makes them look more Dadly.

* Fer reals, guys.  Gigantic sparkly anime** eyes and stickly arms and pointy hair.  Luckily I grew out of it in time for art school.

**WordPress spellcheck doesn’t recognize the word “anime”!  Or, for that matter, the word WordPress!

Posted in "quotes", google-eyes, skipped periods | 3 Comments »

More common than you’d think.

Posted by The Author on April 4, 2009

Hi and Lois, 4/4/09



It looks like the wacky hairstyles of yesterday have carried over to today’s strip.  They must have just put new Color Monkeys on staff.  Anyhoozle.  What the crap.  “Maladies”?  I may use big words sometimes (I’m megagaltastic!), but that’s pushin’ it.  Maladies, indeed.

This comic is totes* on the edge, what with its not-so-subtle discussion of urine and the power of suggestion.  That’s gross, guys.  Remember a couple years ago, that one commercial for some make-you-stop-peeing medicine, and it had a little theme song that went, basically, gotta go gotta go gotta go right now, over and over again?**  Well, I do.  I wonder who those people are, the ones with this terrible “malady”.  Older folks?  Maybe.  There is a Pluggers joke here, I just know it.

Why is Hi hanging out with Thurston so much lately?  Trying to get away from his wife, lest they have yet another kid.  Look, guys, it’s two in the morning.  I have to go to bed, not sit around reading crappy comix.

*Short for “totally”.  I made it up, I hope.

**When I wrote that, the song “Don’t Go” by Yaz popped up on my Pandora playlist.  El oh el.  On a side-side note, do you wonder if Yaz is miffed that their name is now used for a birth control pill with annoying commercials?  Because I would be.

Programming note: DUDES AND LADIES, I totally got 63 hits yesterday. THAT IS A LOT.  COLOR ME AMAZED.

Posted in age, color monkeys, skipped periods, wtf | 3 Comments »