High On ‘Lois’

when cartoonists stop caring.

Archive for the ‘pop culture’ Category

Sweepin’ the clouds away

Posted by The Author on May 13, 2009

Hi and Lois, 5/13/09

5/13/09

I don’t know what it is, but something about today’s strip just fills me with joy.  Maybe it’s Big Bird’s stubby little arms.  Maybe it’s the fact  that he’s just spouting out numerals in front of a cyan background instead of singing a clever little song with his Muppety friends or whatever the heck they have on Sesame Street these days.  Look at those eyes.  Madness, I tell you.

At first I thought “Comedy Store” in the second panel was made-up, but no, once again Walker-Browne Incorporated has inserted a vague real-life reference, in this instance to a haunted comedy club on the Sunset Strip.  No, really.

But anywhateverhoozle.  I’m not up to date on comedians that aren’t Eddie Izzard or Sarah Haskins, so for all I know the portly gentleman in front of the Comedy Store’s brick wall is a real guy.  And judging by his attire, he’s laying out a heapin’ helpin’ of modern-day comedy, which, from my experience, consists of ironic observations puncuated with swears and “am I right or am I right” stuff.  But, again, I am not so up to date.

Lois does not seem horrified by the sudden stream of curse-words emitting from the tee-vee and permeating Trixie’s virgin ears.  On the contrary, she is jaded, or drunk, or both.  Just another day.

Posted in google-eyes, pop culture, real-ish | 2 Comments »

Mutant High and Lois. Ahaha!

Posted by The Author on April 30, 2009

Hi and Lois, 4/29/09

4/29/09

At first I read “cigar” as “cigarette” which is considerably… worse?  Better?  Cigars seem to be more “socially acceptable” as an addiction, and seen as something that people smoke only once in a while — not constantly, one after another. Trixie would have found several, if not dozens, of cigarette butts.  But cigars?  Preeow!  That’s a tough, portly man’s smoke.  And Mr. T is a tough, portly man.  Wait, I mean a drunkard.

What other “messy habits” does Mr. T have that need to be kept on that side of the fence?  Splatterball?  Donkey mud-wrestling?  Ritual animal sacrifices?  Hey, as long as you keep them off our grass, I’ll look the other way.

Hi and Lois, 4/30/09

4/30/09

I’m sort of stunned at how popular the X-Men franchise has turned out to be.  The first one came out, what, 2000?  Now we’ve got three other movies, one of which is about the Wolverine guy.  And later we’ll have X-Men Origins: Magneto, and then X-Men: First Class (which I guess will be about mutant algebra, because that was always my first class, minus the mutant part).

I would be fine with all of this if the trailer for Wolverine didn’t look like a parody.  A happy couple living on a farm: “I love you!”  Then someone blows up their barn with a missile.  Then Wolverine clutches his dead lady-friend and yells NOOOOO at the sky.  Are they for serious?

But I digress.  Yes, the summer blockbuster season is getting longer, it seems.  What a funny joke!  Oh, wait.

Hi and Lois, 4/19/09

4/19?

This is the Sunday H&L from a few weeks ago.  Kind of goes with our X-Menery, so I thought I’d include it.  When I first saw this strip, I spent about fifteen minutes trying to figure it all out.

Our throw-away panels: baseball, again!  Do people really memorize baseball stats?  Why do you need to know them?  Why can’t you just carry around a little book if it’s so important?  What are they teaching our children these days?  Arglebargle.

The Superhero Analogy is actually pretty clever, though it wouldn’t really be any help to me personally.  Firstly, Hi is mixing Roman gods with Greek gods.  Sure, they’re the same gods with different names, but Odysseus is going to look at you funny if you start referencing Jupiter and Minerva instead of Zeus and What’s-Her-Name.  He’s also picking characters from the DC and Marvel universes, which just complicates things even further.

Sub-Mariner…?  I have never heard of him.  If you say to me, “Underwater Superhero”, I would say to you: Aquaman!  But anyway.

Hi is reading from Bulfinch’s Mythology, which I think is a pretty nice touch.  Do they really teach from a 154-year-old book in school’s nowadays?  Don’t they use the Inter-Tubes or whatever?  It’s been a while since I was in the public school system.

‘Nuff for today.

Posted in crossed arms, google-eyes, pop culture, teh moviez | 4 Comments »

Tuesday? More like TWOsday!

Posted by The Author on April 28, 2009

Hoo-dee-doo.  According to my stats I got a (baffling) thirty-seven hits per day for the last two days of my absence.  Lack of H&L makes people visit more?  It is a mystery.

Comix!

Hi and Lois, 4/28/09

4/28/09

This car salesman looks familiar… at least, in the second panel he does.  Apparently the sanguine movie theater employee from last month quit his job at the Megat 8 Cinemas and took up dealing cars.  A little less hair, yes, but it’s definitely him.  Anyhoozle.  I didn’t think Hi’s kids were still of the age that they needed constant distraction in the car, lest they tear each other to bits arguing over who crossed the Invisible Line dividing the backseat.

The car doesn’t strike me as something Hi would drive.  It’s too Lincoln-y.  Like something my grandfather would own, in white no less.  Also, he shouldn’t go around with a blank license plate like that.

Hmm… I think, arguably, this could be categorized as a 2 Panels 1 Joke.  I mean, take away the first frame and the salesman’s happy-face, make CARS more prominent, and you’ve got a single-paneler similar to The Flying McCoys*.  YannowhutImean?

Hi and Lois, 4/20/09

4/18?

What’s this?? A comic from forever-ago?  Yes.  There are a few H&Ls from the last few weeks that are too strange not to make some sort of comment.

The Nostalgia Channel.  Is there such a channel?  Technically yes: but in the past.  It’s now called the AmericanLife TV Network and it reruns television series from the 50s and 60s.  Owned by the Unification Church.  Consistent money-loser.  I bet you did not know these things.  So, are they watching television in the past, then, or is Hi just experiencing early on-set Alzheimer’s?  That would be sad.

Hi needn’t explain what they’re watching.  Lois should be able to figure it out on her own.  And if I were here, my response wouldn’t be a cheery “So, what do you think?”, it would be “Why on earth would you do such a thing when we have a perfectly good Xbox** sitting three feet away?”  Ditto is obviously not enjoying it, as he has already degenerated into scrawling the names of these shows on the walls.  There is no escape, is there?  A heavy storm cloud hangs over Hi’s head at his son’s insipid comment.  “People arent [sic] as funny in black-and-white.”  Ever seen Buster Keaton?  Young FrankensteinDuck SoupTop Hat? The Women (the old one, not the terrible new one)?  You ignoramous!

Since I am now a nine-to-fiver (or more accurately, a seven-to-twoer; or a whenever-I-am-scheduleder), I can’t stay up ’til Hey-Ho PM and write about the next day’s comic.  I guess I could just do it in the morning, but that means I would have to wake up even earlier and I would not be as funny.  Those entries would read something close to “WHAT WHAT THIS MAKES NO SENSE I EFFING HATE THIS COMIXXZGHZBSVVA” and we don’t want that, now, do we?

*I apologize, Glenn and Gary McCoy.  You are much, much funnier than these hacks.  I wish I could find a .jpg of your “scooter” comic that made me el-oh-el.  Oh, gosh, I’d describe it, but it would be better if you just saw it.

**Fer reals, I do own an Xbox, but I mostly use it for playing Rock Band.  I like to play!

Posted in 2 panels 1 joke, half-assed, pop culture, stubbiness syndrome, wtf | Leave a Comment »

Observations on several subjects

Posted by The Author on April 8, 2009

Before we begin this post: a note!  Because blogs such as Date Wrecks and You Suck at Craigslist have inspired me so greatly, I’ve started a new blog, one I can update sporadically and save my sanity from the horror-trap of H&L.  For now it is called Missed Connections, but hopefully I’ll think of a more snarky title later on.  The first few entries are neither too lulsy nor horrifying; hopefully I’ll find something good.

Tell your friends, tell your coworkers; climb onto rooftops and litter the streets with fliers.  Whatever it takes.

Now: comix!

Hi and Lois, 4/8/09

4/9/09

Zzzzzz….*snrk* Wha-happa?! A badly drawn comic with badly executed jokes?!? Yes. Is Chip holding a glass in his deformed hand, or is that part of the design on his shirt? I do not know. Everyone looks like they were drawn by someone else, someone who normally illustrates IKEA directions or something.

You’d assume that this was just a cute-kid-thinks-cute-thoughts comic, wouldn’t you? Take a gander out the window. Do you see anything outside? It appears that the house is buried in fifteen feet of snow… or, (and my mind tends to drift in the sinister direction, in case you haven’t noticed) Trixie is actually watching a nuclear blast; soon the paint on the walls with turn to smoke and the roof will be ripped from its moors. Actually, poor Trixie has probably already been blinded. Dawg is a bit smarter; he’s already ducked-and-covered.

Did you ever see Duck and Cover? Not the Mallard Filmore blog, the terrifying 50s-era filmstrip for school-age children. It’s amazing.

Hi and Lois, 4/9/09

4/9/09

The way Lois is drawn in this strip… it just makes me feel sorry for her.  Look at her itty-bitty, outstretched arms.  She can’t even reach into her own pockets.  And thanks, Chance Browne, for labeling the vehicle as a BUS.  I would have never figured it out on my own.  For seriously.  Hey, the grass (?) changes from gray to lime green.  WHAT.

Another example of people who have heard of this “Internet” thing, and maybe use it to check their email and such — they just upgraded from Prodigy to AOL, you know, because discs they kept getting in the mail seemed like a heckuva deal — and they want to incorporate the LOLs of Today into their fifty five-year old comic strip.  Dramatic Prairie Dog!  Rick Astley!  See, I can do it, too.

Spoiler Alert… ur doin it wrong.  A spoiler alert indicates that information of a revealing nature is forthcoming.  Dot is providing what we call a “teaser”.  No doubt these post cards of which she speaks are brutally honest and sometimes frightening.

It took me an hour to craft this post.  Aaaarrgh.

Posted in color monkeys, from the mouths of babes, mutations, pop culture, stubbiness syndrome, technology | Leave a Comment »

In France it’s called The April Fish! I bet you did not know that.

Posted by The Author on March 31, 2009

A special three-panel H&L for today!

Hi and Lois, 4/1/09

4/1/09

Oh, April Fool’s Day. I always forget you are coming, and then I am confused at the haps* of the day, when everything is different.  I do not find you particularly amusing or mirthful, though others may. I guess I’ll have a lot to look forward to in the comics page tomorrow.  I guess.  Remember that year when a bunch of the comics swapped strips with each other?  I do.  Am I old?  Perhaps.

Anyhoozle.  If Chip didn’t do all that good-natured, honest work, why is there a giant sweatdrop coming off his forehead?  Nervousness about being caught in his lame-o lie?  Or maybe it is a tear over his sudden case of baldness in panel two.  Also!  Who’s stealing my catchphrases, huh?  They even spelled it wrong!  It’s “fer reals“, guys.  If you’re going to use hip slang, do the proper research and consult me first.

Check out Lois’s beady button eyes in panel one.  Her real April Fool’s Day trick is that she’s been replaced by a cyborg.  Or a clone, or a body-snatching alien; whatever your sci-fi flavor may be.  The point is that it’s freaking me out.  How far out am I freaking?  All the way.  I mean, look at her mechanical laugh in panel three.  That laugh belongeth not to a human.

*happenings

Posted in color monkeys, half-assed, horror, pop culture | 2 Comments »

The First Official Post

Posted by The Author on February 25, 2009

Oh my God, guys, it’s a new blog!

If there’s one thing the Internet needs, it’s more blogs. Especially more blogs about terrible comic strips.

I’ve been an avid reader of such comic-mocking greats as The Comics Curmudgeon and Jason over at This Week In Milford. I said to myself: “Self, you need to bequeath your snark (if snark is the correct word) on the comic-reading community.  You must make your own blog.”

And here it is! Guys, I’m so excited! I wonder what I’ll be making fun of.  Something awesome and hilarious, I’m sure.  Lemme check…

*rustles paper*

Uh, Hi and Lois?

Aw, crap

Hi and Lois, 2/25/09

Hi & Lois, 02-25-2009

Jeezy Creezy. But I hate this comic strip. The slap-dashy-ness. The lame, two-panel format containing one panel jokes.  Serious?  Hi and Lois?

Well, if I must…

I don’t even remember reading this one in the paper this morning.  While most of the time I make it a point to see what kind of pain will be inflicted on me today, I must have blocked this one out of my mind.  As has been occuring all week, Lois seems to be suffering from some kind of  Second Panel Short-ening disease.  In the time it takes to expell two speech bubbles, Lois’s arms and legs shrink to frighteningly small proportions but stays virtually the same height.

And, like every good joke, there’s a dead baby.

A question: where did The Kids get their lame-o detective outfits?

Hmm. Not too shabby for a first post.  I’ll try to be funnier when I have more time to ponder the horror of H&L every day.

Posting schedule?  Er… whenever I can.  Since I’m currently unemployed, it might be every day for a while.  We’ll see.

Thank you and good night.

Posted in half-assed, horror, pop culture | Leave a Comment »