High On ‘Lois’

when cartoonists stop caring.

Archive for the ‘pocket-hands’ Category

I’ll give this comic 3.7 out of a fortnight of sawhorses.

Posted by The Author on April 7, 2009

Hi and Lois, 4/7/09

4/7/09

Ugh.  What? “Three Wrenches?”  Is that good or bad?  Does a Wrench signify the level of broken-downness, or the relative ease in ability to repair a car?  Is it out of three?  Five?  A hundred?*  I have so many questions.

The real joke here is, of course, “Mechanics charge a lot for the services they provide”.  Ahaha, it’s so true!  Check out Hi’s despondent expression in panel two!  He is so depressed!  Money jokes, in this economy!  Brian and Greg Walker, you slay me!  No, really.  You are killing me.  Please stop.

*This is a good example of why rating systems are inherently flawed; a 7 out of 10, while considered middle-of-the-road, is considerably worse than a three out of five.  Or so I have read. Which is why I love me some Rotten Tomatoes: I don’t have to feel obligated to like or dislike a movie based on one review.  Which I tend to do.  It is a terrible thing.

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Posted in "quotes", munny, pocket-hands, real-ish | 3 Comments »

Let’s all go to the lobby

Posted by The Author on March 6, 2009

Did you know that today’s date is divisible by 3?  It is!  Many of the days this month are!  Just a little fun fact.  Now, on to the misery.

Hi and Lois, 3/6/09
H&L, 3/6/09

Peas and rice, I swear this comic was written by someone who has, perhaps, only a passing knowledge of Middle American Life.  First of all, it is not rocket science to sneak something into a movie theater.  Half the time they don’t care, as my former movie-theater-employee friend will tell you.  I have experience in stuffing cold lemonade and several boxes of Mike and Ikes in my knit purse and no one even blinking an eye.  And lest we forget Kevin Murphy‘s gallant tale of sneaking an entire Thanksgiving dinner into a theater, chronicled in his book A Year at the Movies (hint: lots and lots of pockets).  So Chip’s less-than-brilliant strategy of carrying a goddamn grocery bag right into the lobby of the Megat 8 Cinemas, complete with lame-o Mom Note, destroys my very soul.  Where’s the sneaky creativity?

Secondly… I know that Chip and his Nameless Friend are teenage boys, and that teenage boys normally eat twice their weight in pancakes every morning, but honestly, who needs twelve pounds of oranges and BRAN at the movie theater?  Doesn’t Lois realize that sort of stuff… ahem, gets you going? They’ll be running for the pie-closet before the opening credits have finished.

Anyway.  One of my fondest theater-related memories is when my good friend J. brought a pomegranate to the movies.  Not the most portable fruits, but it was tasty.  I just wouldn’t want fifteen of them.

Posted in pocket-hands, real-ish, skipped periods | 2 Comments »

Shady Pines, Ma!

Posted by The Author on March 2, 2009

Hi and Lois, 3/2/09
H&L, 3/2/09

Snooooz-ers.  Before I started this Blog, there were weeks and weeks of mind-bendingly terrible H&Ls that provided plenty of snark-fodder.  Now what do I got?  The blandest of the bland.  I suppose I could take solace in the fact that the joke isn’t very funny, and that the word young in the last panel shouldn’t be emphasized, since it adds to the nonsense, but… I cannot.

Don’t these unseen parents get a say in where they stay once they cross that invisible line between competent human being and infantilized vegetable?  Oh, wait, that’s right, they’ll be too senile to care.

Coming up soon: a brief history of H&L that no one everyone has been asking for!

Posted in age, pocket-hands | 1 Comment »

Hell no, we won’t snow

Posted by The Author on March 1, 2009

Hi and Lois, 3/1/09
H&L, 3/1/09

The first day of March, and snow still falls.  It brings to mind the question: where, exactly, does H&L take place?   Probably Illinois or Indiana or Ohio or one of those vowel-heavy Midwestern states where most Generic Sitcomic Families reside.  I only wonder because last week here in good ol’ Minnesota we received a half-foot of snow in a single afternoon.  Around here, Spring comes somewhere in mid-July, and lasts two-and-a-half weeks.  When I read The Comics, I like to pretend that other parts of the world aren’t as miserable as here.

Anyway.  The “humor” in this “comic strip” is so dry that it’s curling up and flaking off the page.

I should notice the second throwaway panel.  “It’s really coming down!” Dot cries despondantly, inserting an apostrophe in “its” at the last second.  Yes, it really is coming down, all eight flakes.

If I make it past a week of this, I will give myself a medal.

Posted in crossed arms, half-assed, pocket-hands, skipped periods | 3 Comments »