High On ‘Lois’

when cartoonists stop caring.

Archive for the ‘munny’ Category

In which I mostly talk about tarty clothing stores.

Posted by The Author on May 26, 2009

Blingity-bloink.  What a day.  I don’t know if I’m up for it.

Hi and Lois, 5/25/09


Ah, Memorial Day.  Usually the comics page commemorates every holiday, major or not (even Administrative Professionals Day, I seem to remember!), but to my surprise, approximately zero strips in my local paper mentioned Our Troops And Such.  Not even Doonsbury, which is usually a source for veterans-related attention.  No one in the Sunday paper, either, except for… well, Doonsbury.  Is the comics page of my paper organized by communists?!

But this isn’t about other comics, it’s about H&L.  And all I have to say about Monday’s comic is this: AAAAHHHHHH WHAAAAATTTT I DON’T LIKE THIS ONE FOR SOME REASON GET IT AWAY FROM ME I FRIGGIN’ HATE THESE KIDS

Hi and Lois, 5/26/09


And then, today.  Our pals, Abercrombie & Fitch.  Yes, those are the names of the garbagemen.  I suspect that Mort Walker named the dudes back in, well, the fifties or sixties.  You know, back when it was a sporting goods and hunting equipment store, and not a young person’s apparel chain infamous for sexed-up beef- and cheese-cakes who play football and stand around smoldering enigmatically and don’t know how to wear sweaters correctly.  The founders are probably spinning in their graves.

But enough about that.  What the hell is going in this comic?  Why can’t Hi scale back to getting his garbage picked up twice a month?  Because he’s now on a personal level with his rubbish carriers which only complicates the professional business relationship.  I don’t know.  Do they really get their garbage picked up that early in the morning?  Our truck comes around at, like, four in the morning.

Augh!  Fitch’s (or Abercrombie’s) corncob pipe suddenly appears in Panel Two!  Who draws this?!  Did they go to school!?  I am frustrated!!!

Tomorrow I will be funny.  In the meantime, regard the best thing in the world that is Abercrombie & Fitch-related.


Posted in half-assed, munny, wtf | 3 Comments »

Doesn’t America NEED to go on a diet, though? *rimshot*

Posted by The Author on May 18, 2009

Hi and Lois, 5/18/09


Ha ha ha, that’s so not funny and true because of the state of the economy today, and there is a metaphor for fatness and chronic dieting, blah blah blah et cetera whatever.  With that out of the way, I’ll have you know that I’m not really paying attention to the content of this comic as much as I am the comic itself, if you get my drift.  You don’t?  Well… look at them.  Hideous.  Their hands seem to have been sucked up by their armpits.  Hi’s foot is twice as big as his head.  And, fer reals, who has a den laid out like this, with the couch placed at an angle in front of the window, and a flat screen TV in the dead center of the room?  And black carpeting?  What were they thinking?

Okay, I will briefly discuss the content.  Briefly.  We all know that comics are written approximately five thousand years before they are published, so often by the time they get to the paper they could be dealing with old or outdated news.  Here we have that very case: gas prices in the last two weeks have jumped back up to two-fifty-ish in my neck of the woods.  That could be a sign that Americans are now consuming more fuel, I guess, but after some in-depth research (sort of) I was unable to find any data on current national fuel consumption.  I was hoping for a graph or something.  I really enjoy graphs.*

But anyhoozle.  The point is that today’s comic is fantastically lazy.  And so am I.  So I am now done.

*I tried very hard to find the clip from How I Met Your Mother in which Marshall shows a pie chart of his favorite bars followed by a bar graph of his favorite pies.  I thought that would be somewhat relevant.  Unfortunately, my search was fruitless.  So I’ll have to leave you with this.

Posted in crossed arms, half-assed, munny | Leave a Comment »

It’s funny because you’re destitute.

Posted by The Author on May 12, 2009

My computer is acting hella slow.  Hopefully I’ll be able to write this post before the Internet cuts out.  So, without further ado, we shall sally forth.*

Hi and Lois, 5/11/09


I can’t say much about yesterday’s comic that Josh hasn’t already mentioned, except this: is Hi drinking straight out of a coffee can?  Did he just forget to brew the coffee first and is struggling to swallow pure grounds?  “This tastes pretty odd this morning, honey.”  “Never mind that — they say this 14-year-old sold a million records and just bought a house in the Hamptons!”  “And what makes you think I care about that s**t?”

Hi and Lois, 5/12/09


Now, I don’t work in real estate (obviously), but shouldn’t the correct verbage be “I rented out a condo today”?  The way it is now, it sounds like Lois rented the condo for her own family, and we know that’s not true because the Flagston clan certainly isn’t rolling in the dough.  The dollar menu?!?  Why, just the other day y’all were going out for an extravagant Mother’s Day breakfast.  Maybe you should take out the family, Hi.  You hideous thing, you.

I know it makes me a bad person, but I kind of like seeing the kids’ despondent looks at being told that they are too poor to go somewhere fancier than a Mickey D’s.

*And I’m not talking about the comic strip.  Ahaha!

Posted in from the mouths of babes, google-eyes, munny | Leave a Comment »

Maybe you should have bought FLOOD INSURANCE!

Posted by The Author on May 5, 2009

Happy Cinco de Mayo, y’all!  My comrade has informed me that most persons of the Mexican persuasion celebrate on the first Sunday of May, though, so I guess I missed it completely.  But forget about all that. ONE THOUSAND VIEWSSSS, BITCHES!!

Hi and Lois, 5/5/09


…and to celebrate, Depressing Comix!  You know that recession?  It’s still happening!  Ahaha!  You know, if you had saved your money under the mattress instead of in a rickety old bank and dumb ol’ stocks, you mightn’t be in this situation.  What a fool.

Something funny… need something funny… um… Mr. T’s arms are too short!  Ahaha!  Oh, you guys.  Just continued on your merry way to the TIVO store.

Here’s a comic I missed during my period of life-paying-attention-to.*  It’s a bit weird.

Hi and Lois, 4/23/09


I have a few issues.

1) Yes, Ditto, you are too old, when your “superhero underwear” consists of striped shorts, a t-shirt with a logo, a belt, and goddamn slippers.

2) The background in this strip is totally effing nuts.  First panel: are they in the bathroom?  Why is Dot walking in on her brother in the bathroom when he is in his underwear?  Is that a counter top and sink behind them?  The bathtub?  A radiator?  Is that the shower curtain, or some really ugly drapes?  And then in the second panel, everything is different!   I don’t know why I continue to be surprised by that, but I am.

3) Why is Dot walking in on her brother in the bathroom when he is in his underwear.

*Mental health week?  Personal Times?  The correct term evades me.

Posted in current events, munny, mutations, stubbiness syndrome, wtf | 1 Comment »

Bring in da Noyz, bring in the What the F**k?!

Posted by The Author on April 27, 2009

Argh.  Thanks for the encouraging (and sometimes sarcastic) comments.  I’m about a week and a half behind, I know.  I figure I’ll just do two comics a day or so until I’m caught up, because, seriously, there were some strange comics these past few days.  Anyway.  I just got back from the first day of my new day-job and I’m tired and cranky, so this will probably be short and uncharacteristically mean-spirited.  But I guess we’ll see.

Hi and Lois, 4/26/09


This is yesterday’s comic. I initially read it in the newspaper, so I didn’t get the perplexing throwaway panel.  “Blah blah blah blah blah.  CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW?!”  Um.  What?  Are these lyrics, or is it just a sound check?  Either way, I am saddened.  That is the worst song/soundcheck I have ever heard.  But then again, what can you expect from a band called “Noyz”?

Chip’s getup is absolutely ludicrous.  What the fark is he wearing?  A ladybug-patterned sock-cap?  Apparently it brings in the lady listeners, however, as three girls inexplicably appear and show interest in these three clowns.  Those girls would not be interested in those boys.  Those boys are losers.  Period.  “Grab a seat”?  Where?

Also, on a side-note, have you noticed that all the fictional bands you see in the comics or in cartoons or whatever lack a proper bass and have one guy (or girl) on the keyboard?  Now, I’m very positive towards synthesizers (I love me some Depeche Mode), but where hath gone all the basses?  Do they think viewers would be confused if there were two guitar-shaped instruments?  Also, notice how Portly Friend’s kickdrum lacks an actual kicking mechanisim.  I know H&L isn’t known for its fantastic artwork, but still…

Hi and Lois, 4/27/09


And now, today’s comic.

Well, Hi, you have to include wages for staff, including the host/hostess, servers, cooks, busboys; and for the general maintenance of the restaurant itself.  But oh, wait, that’s the logical, non-funny answer.  The funny answer is… oh, wait, there’s no funny answer in this comic, either.  Do they have enough money to pay the bill, or will they be sent back to wash dishes?  Er, does that ever happen in real life?  I would like to say “probably not”.

That’s enough for today.  I need to go break up a dogfight.

Posted in crossed arms, god what awful noyz, munny, real-ish, skipped periods, wtf | 3 Comments »

The April Fool’s that comes in the middle of the month

Posted by The Author on April 14, 2009

So… comics.

Hi and Lois, 4/15/09


Ah-HA!  There’s that second Tax-Time comic I was expecting.  And luckily it’s only funny to accountants!  The first panel is totally superfluous, you know that, don’t you?  I think that should be a new category.  Something like… “two panels, one joke”.  No cups, though.  Ahaha, I hope no one got that one!

Er, Mr. T, I think that if you’re only just now getting around to filing your taxes, on the very day that said taxes are due, then you’re going to have a few problems.  And then the blatant illegal requests.  I like the taxman’s magical desk, though: the sign in the background stays the same, but the tabletop tilts like one of them old-fangled boxes with the maze inside and you have to guide the little ball through.  Okay, that’s a reach, but I couldn’t find a shorter term for such a box, except “Labyrintspel”, and that’s pretty obscure, don’tcha think?

The sketchy, thick-lined artist is back.  And Thurston is blond again.  Manic-Depressive Comix!

Posted in 2 panels 1 joke, current events, munny, mutations, skipped periods | Leave a Comment »

Some post-Easter frivolities

Posted by The Author on April 14, 2009

Well, I suppose I can’t put this off any longer, or else the comics will just keep on buildin’ up and buildin’ up and soon I’ll be even more miserable.  So forgive me if I’m a little short in this post; I’m just not feelin’ it today.  Also, I’ve been droppin’ my g’s, a sure sign that I am beginning to lose it.  Er, excuse me, I mean beginnin’.

Hi and Lois, 4/11/09


Of course there’s enough for her: they’re eating invisible food.  Unless they plan on sharing that green cartoon duck’s foot in the center of the table.  Seriously, Chance Brown, would it have taken you more than five minutes to plop a few steaks on those plates?  Or even the ol’ generic Food Lumps?  Please.

Hmm.  What could Mrs. Thurston (I know she has a first name… Irma?  I’m not going to look it up) have been making so close to dinner that required a cup of sugar?  A friggin’ dinner-cake?  Unless she sent Mr. T off earlier that afternoon and just now realized that he hadn’t returned.

Hi and Lois, 4/12/09


Ignoring the lameness of the jokes in this “comic”, who the heck gives a very breakable egg to an infant?  She’s going to stuff the whole thing in her mouth and choke on that bitch.  Ah, well.  So, are they coloring eggs on Easter morning?  I suppose so, since Ditto is flaunting his chocolate booty.  My family goes to church at seven forty-five on Easter morning.  We don’t got no time to sit around and color eggs.  Actually, that’s why Easter is probably my least favorite holiday: because I have to wake up early.  Anyway.  Screw all y’all.

Hi and Lois, 4/13/09


I read Monday’s strip in the paper on Monday morning, not the night before on the Internet like I usually do.  So when I read this strip, I immediately thought: “Rating the holidays by the quantity of candy?!?  With that logic, the order of holidays should be Christmas, then Easter, then Halloween, because, honestly, Christmas is gift-centric, not candy-centric.  Another flawed rating system!  If only I could tell everyone how irked I am at this comic strip!”  Then I remembered that I write a blog about this comic strip.  Luckily.

Hi and Lois, 4/14/09


Aaaahhhh, finally, Tax Comix!  And the day before our taxes are due!  H&L, you have surprised me!

Er, are doing one’s taxes really that, ahem, taxing nowadays?  Now that we have our fancy-schmancy computer programs and so forth.  I mean, it’s really not that difficult: enter your W2s, 1099s if you have them (I do, sometimes), enter your deductions… bam.  You’re done.  Maybe it’s just me, but it’s not like the friggin’ Apocalypse or something. It doesn’t make me dream up fakey prescription medications that no doubt have a laundry list of side-effects.  Tax Lax, indeed.  What is this sudden fascination with prescription medications?  It may be that the writers are old.


I’ve got House Hunters on in the background while I write this (shut up, it’s either that or Generic “An Animal Is Eating Me” Show), and one of the homebuyers has the same name as I do.  And the realtor keeps saying her name; like, sandwiching sentences with it.  “KT, how do you like this room, KT?”  It’s very distracting.  I’m always suspicious of people who use people’s names too often.  I know they do it to seem more friendly and personable.  It doesn’t work on me.

Posted in "quotes", crossed arms, from the mouths of babes, google-eyes, half-assed, munny, skipped periods | 2 Comments »

I’ll give this comic 3.7 out of a fortnight of sawhorses.

Posted by The Author on April 7, 2009

Hi and Lois, 4/7/09


Ugh.  What? “Three Wrenches?”  Is that good or bad?  Does a Wrench signify the level of broken-downness, or the relative ease in ability to repair a car?  Is it out of three?  Five?  A hundred?*  I have so many questions.

The real joke here is, of course, “Mechanics charge a lot for the services they provide”.  Ahaha, it’s so true!  Check out Hi’s despondent expression in panel two!  He is so depressed!  Money jokes, in this economy!  Brian and Greg Walker, you slay me!  No, really.  You are killing me.  Please stop.

*This is a good example of why rating systems are inherently flawed; a 7 out of 10, while considered middle-of-the-road, is considerably worse than a three out of five.  Or so I have read. Which is why I love me some Rotten Tomatoes: I don’t have to feel obligated to like or dislike a movie based on one review.  Which I tend to do.  It is a terrible thing.

Posted in "quotes", munny, pocket-hands, real-ish | 3 Comments »