Posted by The Author on June 1, 2009
Let’s get this over with. I mean, let’s read some Comix!
Hi and Lois, 5/28/09
I don’t have much to say about this one except: now that’s squalor. My room has looked like that many a time, what with random bitty scraps of paper lying around. I don’t know about every single drawer bulging open, though. I’d rather not put anything in drawers at all. I’m betting Lois is wishing she hadn’t lined the floors with black carpet over the entire house.
Hi and Lois, 5/29/09
Computers will always be too slow, because our attention spans are continuing to wane. The idea of a Computer-Of-The-Month club both excites and terrifies me, touching both my nerdy and environmentalist sides. Anyway, what was I talking about? Oh yeah. People suck.
Hi and Lois, 5/30/09
Golf! It’s funny! Screw you.
Hi and Lois, 5/31/09
Okay. Here we go. The real meat ‘n’ potatoes of this week. I can just never get enough of Noyz, can you? They have such a coherent style! I’m kidding, of course. What the Eff. Chip, are you a hippie? What’s Mohawk Guy doing there? Jerry! Are you supposed to be a bellhop?
I read this comic in the Sunday paper, initially, and knew I just had to see the throwaway panels. I hoped that they would contain more of Chip’s brilliant lyrics, but it does not. Apparently the band only has two songs, “Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah (Can You Here Me Now)” and this gem, the Shortest, Angriest Song in the World. Now, I listen to some pretty questionable music sometimes. Never have I heard a lyric as explicit and vulgar as “Go ahead and Die! Die! Die!”. I think they need some work. Also, what the hell? Don’t they know that Hi is a Baby-Boomer Parental Figure and will object to all music that doesn’t come from, I dunno, Neil Young or someone?*
They don’t have girlfriends. Who’s surprised?
That about wraps up the month of May, I guess. I’ll start with today’s comic tomorrow, along with tomorrow’s comic. Did that make sense? I’m sure it did. See you later.
*Digression: My father has begun playing the video game Rock Band recently, and lemme tell you — it’s the strangest thing in the world to see my dad playing Rage Against The Machine songs and asking what the lyrics are in a Linkin Park song. “What are they saying? Stand up when you’re talking to me?” No, Dad, it’s shut up when you’re talking to me, a physical impossibility unless you know sign language.
Posted in "quotes", age, crossed arms, god what awful noyz, google-eyes, headbands, skipped periods | 4 Comments »
Posted by The Author on May 8, 2009
Hi and Lois, 5/8/09
A-wiggida-whaaaat?? Wasn’t it just yesterday that I lamented about not knowing the name of Chip’s Portly Friend? Well, ask and ye shall receive, it seems, because today we finally learn his moniker. Jerry. Completely lackluster. And it still doesn’t explain why he’s always wearing a too-tiny sailor’s cap (or possibly a hard-boiled egg in a cup). And I had to consult the Internet to find out what “NRBQ” is. Surprise, it’s a band. And I don’t think Portly Jerry or Chip listens to them.* Funny, I kept thinking of barbeque for some reason.
Anyhoozle. Coming from a person who has worked a lot of “freebies”, all I can say is that it will take their band many a year before they start getting paid for anything. Maybe more quickly if they stopped wearing such ridiculous clothing. Is that a headband, Chip, or did someone saw off the top of your skull and hastily paste it back on before you had time to notice? Does this attract girls? How many guests will be at Jane Price’s Birthday Slumber Party? Four? A few dozen? Dude, I am so totally there! Don’t get too excited, Jerry Portman — boys don’t actually get to stay for the hair-braiding and bepantied pillowfights.**
*I could be wrong. NRBQ have a song on the soundtrack for the show Weeds.
**Unless the definition of “slumber party” has changed since I was in high school. The term “hooking up” certainly has.
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Posted by The Author on February 28, 2009
Ergh. Four days already. And still as happy as newlyweds!
Hi and Lois, 2/28/09
1) Oh, Dawg. What variety of canine are you, exactly? I think he may actually be related to Heathcliff, but whatever hideous cross-breeding method is responsible for making dogs from cats, I don’t want to know about it.
2) Anyway. I bet the Color Monkeys enjoy wintertime strips the most, since the backgrounds require zero mouse-clicks. Versus the one click it takes to fill in generic green grass. Poor Color Monkeys.
3) Lois’s pointless headband bugs the bejeezus out of me. It’s a pretty common occurence in H&L, along with cellphone antennae that resemble lollipops.
4) Mr. Thurston (also known as the probably-not-PC-anymore ‘Thirsty’) isn’t wearing a coat or gloves or a hat, but doesn’t look too bothered by subzero temperatures. Actually, he looks pretty cheery, too, despite the word “HELP!” issuing from his creepily gleeful mouth. Most likely he has consumed four or five scotches and is already pleasantly warm. Soon, he will freeze to death, and Dawg, I suspect, will quickly lose interest and go back to licking his doggy junk in front of the kids.
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