High On ‘Lois’

when cartoonists stop caring.

Archive for the ‘google-eyes’ Category

Happy Monday! I guess.

Posted by The Author on June 1, 2009

Let’s get this over with.  I mean, let’s read some Comix!

Hi and Lois, 5/28/09

5/28/09

I don’t have much to say about this one except: now that’s squalor.  My room has looked like that many a time, what with random bitty scraps of paper lying around.  I don’t know about every single drawer bulging open, though.  I’d rather not put anything in drawers at all.  I’m betting Lois is wishing she hadn’t lined the floors with black carpet over the entire house.

Hi and Lois, 5/29/09

5/29/09

Computers will always be too slow, because our attention spans are continuing to wane.  The idea of a Computer-Of-The-Month club both excites and terrifies me, touching both my nerdy and environmentalist sides.  Anyway, what was I talking about?  Oh yeah.  People suck.

Hi and Lois, 5/30/09

5/30/09

Golf! It’s funny!  Screw you.

Hi and Lois, 5/31/09

5/31/09

Okay. Here we go.  The real meat ‘n’ potatoes of this week.  I can just never get enough of Noyz, can you?  They have such a coherent style!  I’m kidding, of course.  What the Eff.  Chip, are you a hippie?  What’s Mohawk Guy doing there?  Jerry!  Are you supposed to be a bellhop?

I read this comic in the Sunday paper, initially, and knew I just had to see the throwaway panels.  I hoped that they would contain more of Chip’s brilliant lyrics, but it does not.  Apparently the band only has two songs, “Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah (Can You Here Me Now)” and this gem, the Shortest, Angriest Song in the World.  Now, I listen to some pretty questionable music sometimes.  Never have I heard a lyric as explicit and vulgar as “Go ahead and Die! Die! Die!”.  I think they need some work.  Also, what the hell?  Don’t they know that Hi is a Baby-Boomer Parental Figure and will object to all music that doesn’t come from, I dunno, Neil Young or someone?*

They don’t have girlfriends.  Who’s surprised?

That about wraps up the month of May, I guess.  I’ll start with today’s comic tomorrow, along with tomorrow’s comic.  Did that make sense?  I’m sure it did.  See you later.

*Digression: My father has begun playing the video game Rock Band recently, and lemme tell you — it’s the strangest thing in the world to see my dad playing Rage Against The Machine songs and asking what the lyrics are in a Linkin Park song.  “What are they saying?  Stand up when you’re talking to me?”  No, Dad, it’s shut up when you’re talking to me, a physical impossibility unless you know sign language.

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Posted in "quotes", age, crossed arms, god what awful noyz, google-eyes, headbands, skipped periods | 4 Comments »

H&L 2: Electric Boogaloo

Posted by The Author on May 21, 2009

I was totes going to make an entry this morning, but more pressing issues were at hand.  Then I was going to make a post this afternoon, but then I realized: hey!  It’s my blog and I can slack if I want to!  So here we are.  Comix.

But first!  I am sorry to report that I had a dream about Hi and Lois.  Yes, really.  An ethnic person — no an ethnic family appeared in the comic, and I actually lived in the world of the comic (though no one looked comic-y) and I was just trying and trying to get a good a picture to post on the blog, because this was just so amazing: an entire ethnic family in H&L.  You know that persons of color are pretty rare in this particular strip.

Anyway, today I have Two Strange Comix for you.  Neither of them have any ethnicity in them.

Hi and Lois, 5/21/09

5/21/09

What does Hi Flagton do for a living?  He works in an office and carries a briefcase, so he must be an accountant, or a paralegal, or in sales, or a banker, or some such Generic Businessman.  A business is being run.  By whom, and what for, is anyone’s guess.

Unless this “trip” of which the family speaks isn’t a business trip at all, but instead, say, a hospitalization of some sort.  “Yes, Dad will be back soon, children.  Very soon.”

What does that “W” on Dot’s sweater stand for?  Wellesley?  Wanker?  And Ditto wants to take his lunch to school in an air sickness bag… so that people will think he eats vomit?

Hi and Lois, 5/22/09

5/22/09

Holy sheet, this comic is terrifying.  Mostly because of the imagery.  Have you ever seen a break-dancing baby?  God, I hope not, and if you did, said baby was probably having a seizure and I hope everything ended well for you.  What are the Kids doing with a giant 80s-style boombox in the middle of their living room, I wonder?  Invoking the spirit of the Fresh Prince?  I guess that would be kind of close to ethnicity.  I’m obsessed with ethnicity!

You know, this joke has already been told in the comics pages — over twenty-four years ago.

Posted in ethnicity, from the mouths of babes, google-eyes, wtf | Leave a Comment »

Not going to make a Baha Men joke.

Posted by The Author on May 17, 2009

Sunday!  Sunday!  Sunday!  Though it really doesn’t feel like a real Sunday, considering it’s mid-May and we’ve barely broken forty-eight degrees F today.  I am sick of this crappy weather.  Summer just doesn’t want to come, does it?

But forget about that crap!  Comix are on the horizon, and we have two special appearances in today’s post, one from H&L‘s sister comic, Beetle Bailey!  The other — well, hold onto your hats, because we’re about to see the very first Kind Of Actual Representation of an Ethnic Entity in the history of High on ‘Lois’.  Brace yourselves!!

Hi and Lois, 5/17/09

5/17/09

You may be asking, “Slag, where is this black-or-Asian-or-miscellaneous ethnic person?  Well, it’s not a person, actually, and I didn’t even notice it myself until I read the dead-tree version of the comic this morning, and it’s really not that exciting, so, sorry.  In the first panel of the last row, in the Hunting Dogs balloon, one can just see what appears to be a brown pooch wearing a West African dashiki and pointing out the harmless little lion to the Ruthless European Big Game Hunter.  You know, the standard native guide in the jungle/savanna/everglades/mountains/thicket kind of guy.  Not the most appropriate, I know, but then again I’m not too keen on the pink, be-Afroed poodle in the dead center of the comic.  There are male poodles as well, guys…

But anyway.  I’m pretty big on dog show competitions, so my first though when reading this comic was that they forgot the Hound Group.  I guess there’s no clever way for Trixie to misinterpret “hound” unless they show stalker-dogs or something.  And as an owner of teeny tiny Terriers, I must protest, sir, at the depiction of Toy Dogs as portly, incessantly barking Golden Retrievers in top hats.  Our dogs rarely bark, and even more rarely yip.  No, really!

Whew.  I said there was going to be some BB action in this post, didn’t I?  I did!

Beetle Bailey, 5/17/09

BB, 5/17/09

I didn’t see this until this morning, and then it was without the throwaway panels at the top.  Imagine reading this comic without the top row, and imagine my confusion at seeing Killer (if that is his real name) sitting with a doll-like beady-eyed chick in a cocktail dress and heels.  Imagine walking in those heels through the grass.  You’d puncture the ground with every step.  The fact that they just came from a movie clarifies this a bit, I guess, but it still doesn’t explain why every other woman in the vicinity is wearing the same exact get-up.  Maybe they’re coming from a convention or something.  A convention for attractive women with unfortunately deformed mouths that constantly hang open like a baby bird’s.  Seriously, what is wrong with them?

And even more confusedly, if Killah and Chicklady have just come from a movie, they must have gone to the Extra-Super-Early Matinee, because it’s still blinding daylight outside.  Not quite grounds for eveningwear in my book, but hey, to each their own.

And, of course, the most confusing thing of all is that Killer’s hat wriggles when he’s horny.  There is no reason for this to happen.  It makes me hate him.  “Kiss me, Killer.”  “Sure!”  What a loser.

Posted in ethnicity, from the mouths of babes, google-eyes, other comix, wtf | 1 Comment »

Sweepin’ the clouds away

Posted by The Author on May 13, 2009

Hi and Lois, 5/13/09

5/13/09

I don’t know what it is, but something about today’s strip just fills me with joy.  Maybe it’s Big Bird’s stubby little arms.  Maybe it’s the fact  that he’s just spouting out numerals in front of a cyan background instead of singing a clever little song with his Muppety friends or whatever the heck they have on Sesame Street these days.  Look at those eyes.  Madness, I tell you.

At first I thought “Comedy Store” in the second panel was made-up, but no, once again Walker-Browne Incorporated has inserted a vague real-life reference, in this instance to a haunted comedy club on the Sunset Strip.  No, really.

But anywhateverhoozle.  I’m not up to date on comedians that aren’t Eddie Izzard or Sarah Haskins, so for all I know the portly gentleman in front of the Comedy Store’s brick wall is a real guy.  And judging by his attire, he’s laying out a heapin’ helpin’ of modern-day comedy, which, from my experience, consists of ironic observations puncuated with swears and “am I right or am I right” stuff.  But, again, I am not so up to date.

Lois does not seem horrified by the sudden stream of curse-words emitting from the tee-vee and permeating Trixie’s virgin ears.  On the contrary, she is jaded, or drunk, or both.  Just another day.

Posted in google-eyes, pop culture, real-ish | 2 Comments »

It’s funny because you’re destitute.

Posted by The Author on May 12, 2009

My computer is acting hella slow.  Hopefully I’ll be able to write this post before the Internet cuts out.  So, without further ado, we shall sally forth.*

Hi and Lois, 5/11/09

5/11/09

I can’t say much about yesterday’s comic that Josh hasn’t already mentioned, except this: is Hi drinking straight out of a coffee can?  Did he just forget to brew the coffee first and is struggling to swallow pure grounds?  “This tastes pretty odd this morning, honey.”  “Never mind that — they say this 14-year-old sold a million records and just bought a house in the Hamptons!”  “And what makes you think I care about that s**t?”

Hi and Lois, 5/12/09

Photobucket

Now, I don’t work in real estate (obviously), but shouldn’t the correct verbage be “I rented out a condo today”?  The way it is now, it sounds like Lois rented the condo for her own family, and we know that’s not true because the Flagston clan certainly isn’t rolling in the dough.  The dollar menu?!?  Why, just the other day y’all were going out for an extravagant Mother’s Day breakfast.  Maybe you should take out the family, Hi.  You hideous thing, you.

I know it makes me a bad person, but I kind of like seeing the kids’ despondent looks at being told that they are too poor to go somewhere fancier than a Mickey D’s.

*And I’m not talking about the comic strip.  Ahaha!

Posted in from the mouths of babes, google-eyes, munny | Leave a Comment »

Happy Confederate Memorial Day!

Posted by The Author on May 11, 2009

I have to leave for work in a little less than an hour* so for now I am just going to cover the weekend strips and take on today’s later.  If you can’t wait that long (and honestly, when it comes to H&L, who can wait?) check out Josh’s wise observations in today’s CC post.  I assure you, my own snark will be just as amazing (I hope).

Without further ado: Teh Muvvers’ Day Comix!

Hi and Lois, 5/9/09

5/9/09

YES.

Funny; this is what my mom usually wants for Mother’s Day, too.  I mean, except with her own kids, not Lois’s.  Or maybe both; I’m not sure.

Hi and Lois, 5/10/09

5/10/09

Nothin’ like taking a three-panel comic and spreading it thin over the Sunday format!  Well, at least this way we have more of a chance to admire the artwork and the strange goings-on inside this Connecticut diner.  Would I want to eat breakfast with this family?  Sadly, no.  Chip is listening to his Walkman (trust me, it’s a Walkman, not a new-fangled iPod — unless someone doesn’t know how to depict one) while Ditto solicits the baseball apparel-clad youth in the next booth (I still haven’t found any kids with that level of enthusiasm for baseball — are comics children a different breed?) and Hi raises the kids’ hopes for a fantastic homemade breakfast that will never come, thowing them into a state of shock, like Dot in the second-to-last panel.  You know why you never get this at home, Chip?  Because Mother is dead tired by nine AM and all she can manage to do it throw a couple of bowls of cereal on the table and call it a day.  Four children?!  What was she thinking?!

Anyhoozle.  Whilst I enjoy breakfast out on occasion, I don’t think I’d do it on Mother’s Day morning.  What is it about Mother’s Day and breakfast/brunch?  Why isn’t it traditionally a drinking holiday?  I have so many questions, but alas, I must leave you.  Happy Belated You-Know-What Day.  I love you, O Mother of Mine.

*Take a shot every time I mention that I have a job now!

Posted in baseball, current events, google-eyes | 6 Comments »

This barely qualifies as Monday.

Posted by The Author on May 4, 2009

Back from my mini-vaycay.  I have returned to the working world.  Huzzah.

Hi and Lois, 5/2/09

5/2/09

At first I thought this was the not-very-frequently reoccurring H&L character Mr. Waverly, minus his trademark wrinkly fisherman’s hat.*  He usually appears to talk about things like veterans, and The Good Old Days.  This would certainly be a new deal for him, erecting a wall between him and the cruel world outside.  But, look!  This fellow’s fears are not unfounded, considering the inky-black sky in the middle of the day.  Nuclear winter, perhaps?  Well, if that were the case, I’d be less worried about putting up a fence and more concerned with, like, being melted and stuff.

Hi and Lois, 5/3/09

5/3/09

More baseball!  That does it: I’m adding a “baseball” tag.  (I know, right?!)  It comes up more frequently than golf.  Also, “adorable baby antics”, or something.  They are too frequent to ignore.  Can anyone actually hear what Trixie is saying… er, thinking?  Can Dawg hear her?  Can he read the thoughts of the young and innocent? If he can, he’s probably sighing and rolling his eyes along with the rest of us.

So, Ditto to set up those cardboard figures of baseball players in the yard so that he can berate his wise-cracking sister?  I approve!

Hi and Lois, 5/4/09

5/4/09

Yeah, you big tub-o.  If you eat another Cheeto, your pencily neck might not threaten to snap in half.  Best hand the key to your husband, who is surely responsible enough not to gorge his blue-sweatered-self on delicious trans fats and high fructose corn syrups** and partially hydrogenated vegetable oil and… excuse me, I’m craving some Oreos now.

Go U Conn!

*The fact that I know minute details about this character without actually looking it up makes me very sad.

**Don’t you know what they say about it?  Oh, no worries, it’s natural.  Just like the bubonic plague.  And fire ants!

Posted in baseball, from the mouths of babes, google-eyes, horror | Leave a Comment »

Mutant High and Lois. Ahaha!

Posted by The Author on April 30, 2009

Hi and Lois, 4/29/09

4/29/09

At first I read “cigar” as “cigarette” which is considerably… worse?  Better?  Cigars seem to be more “socially acceptable” as an addiction, and seen as something that people smoke only once in a while — not constantly, one after another. Trixie would have found several, if not dozens, of cigarette butts.  But cigars?  Preeow!  That’s a tough, portly man’s smoke.  And Mr. T is a tough, portly man.  Wait, I mean a drunkard.

What other “messy habits” does Mr. T have that need to be kept on that side of the fence?  Splatterball?  Donkey mud-wrestling?  Ritual animal sacrifices?  Hey, as long as you keep them off our grass, I’ll look the other way.

Hi and Lois, 4/30/09

4/30/09

I’m sort of stunned at how popular the X-Men franchise has turned out to be.  The first one came out, what, 2000?  Now we’ve got three other movies, one of which is about the Wolverine guy.  And later we’ll have X-Men Origins: Magneto, and then X-Men: First Class (which I guess will be about mutant algebra, because that was always my first class, minus the mutant part).

I would be fine with all of this if the trailer for Wolverine didn’t look like a parody.  A happy couple living on a farm: “I love you!”  Then someone blows up their barn with a missile.  Then Wolverine clutches his dead lady-friend and yells NOOOOO at the sky.  Are they for serious?

But I digress.  Yes, the summer blockbuster season is getting longer, it seems.  What a funny joke!  Oh, wait.

Hi and Lois, 4/19/09

4/19?

This is the Sunday H&L from a few weeks ago.  Kind of goes with our X-Menery, so I thought I’d include it.  When I first saw this strip, I spent about fifteen minutes trying to figure it all out.

Our throw-away panels: baseball, again!  Do people really memorize baseball stats?  Why do you need to know them?  Why can’t you just carry around a little book if it’s so important?  What are they teaching our children these days?  Arglebargle.

The Superhero Analogy is actually pretty clever, though it wouldn’t really be any help to me personally.  Firstly, Hi is mixing Roman gods with Greek gods.  Sure, they’re the same gods with different names, but Odysseus is going to look at you funny if you start referencing Jupiter and Minerva instead of Zeus and What’s-Her-Name.  He’s also picking characters from the DC and Marvel universes, which just complicates things even further.

Sub-Mariner…?  I have never heard of him.  If you say to me, “Underwater Superhero”, I would say to you: Aquaman!  But anyway.

Hi is reading from Bulfinch’s Mythology, which I think is a pretty nice touch.  Do they really teach from a 154-year-old book in school’s nowadays?  Don’t they use the Inter-Tubes or whatever?  It’s been a while since I was in the public school system.

‘Nuff for today.

Posted in crossed arms, google-eyes, pop culture, teh moviez | 4 Comments »

Awash in an ocean of amotion.

Posted by The Author on April 16, 2009

Guys, I totes have a job interview tomorrow, and I’m a wee bit nervous, both because this is my first “real” interview after years of freelancing, and because I am still trying to get an interview at the place where I really want to work.  At any rate, it’ll be good practice.  Right?  Right.  I need me some employment, as I am going stir crazy.  I mean, I started a snarky blog about an outdated newspaper comic.  The “crazy” part is evident.

Hi and Lois, 4/17/09

4/17/09

Such devotion.  A repartotion of emotion.  I motion the commotion, but where’d he get the notion?  He won’t get a promotion with that locomotion.  Love potion?  Misdevotion.  Don’t forget the lotion.

Beat poetry.  I love it!  Wait, scratch that.  Rhyming “emotion” with “motion” is barely a level above rhyming “one” with “down”.  Good job.

I do love the rather misinformed depiction of The ‘Teen-Agers in this strip.  I don’t think I knew anyone in high school who had a septum piercing, but then again, I went to a fairly yuppyish high school, with carbon-copy boys in khaki cargo pants, polo shirts, white tennis shoes with those short sport socks, and miskept, overgrown hair poking out under their Abercrombie baseball caps.  Not that I was paying attention.  And I adore Chip’s Portly Friend’s sailor cap and poofy poodle bangs.  Hahaha: what the hell?  In other news, is it too much to ask for the artist to include a few more lines in his drawing so that the gray rectangles under the kids’ arms look more like books and less like cardboard inserts you find in new men’s shirts?

The word “lotion” looks weirder and weirder the longer I stare at it.  Lotion.  Lotion.

Posted in "quotes", google-eyes, real-ish, skipped periods, stubbiness syndrome, wtf | Leave a Comment »

Some post-Easter frivolities

Posted by The Author on April 14, 2009

Well, I suppose I can’t put this off any longer, or else the comics will just keep on buildin’ up and buildin’ up and soon I’ll be even more miserable.  So forgive me if I’m a little short in this post; I’m just not feelin’ it today.  Also, I’ve been droppin’ my g’s, a sure sign that I am beginning to lose it.  Er, excuse me, I mean beginnin’.

Hi and Lois, 4/11/09

4/11/09

Of course there’s enough for her: they’re eating invisible food.  Unless they plan on sharing that green cartoon duck’s foot in the center of the table.  Seriously, Chance Brown, would it have taken you more than five minutes to plop a few steaks on those plates?  Or even the ol’ generic Food Lumps?  Please.

Hmm.  What could Mrs. Thurston (I know she has a first name… Irma?  I’m not going to look it up) have been making so close to dinner that required a cup of sugar?  A friggin’ dinner-cake?  Unless she sent Mr. T off earlier that afternoon and just now realized that he hadn’t returned.

Hi and Lois, 4/12/09

4/12/09

Ignoring the lameness of the jokes in this “comic”, who the heck gives a very breakable egg to an infant?  She’s going to stuff the whole thing in her mouth and choke on that bitch.  Ah, well.  So, are they coloring eggs on Easter morning?  I suppose so, since Ditto is flaunting his chocolate booty.  My family goes to church at seven forty-five on Easter morning.  We don’t got no time to sit around and color eggs.  Actually, that’s why Easter is probably my least favorite holiday: because I have to wake up early.  Anyway.  Screw all y’all.

Hi and Lois, 4/13/09

4/13/09

I read Monday’s strip in the paper on Monday morning, not the night before on the Internet like I usually do.  So when I read this strip, I immediately thought: “Rating the holidays by the quantity of candy?!?  With that logic, the order of holidays should be Christmas, then Easter, then Halloween, because, honestly, Christmas is gift-centric, not candy-centric.  Another flawed rating system!  If only I could tell everyone how irked I am at this comic strip!”  Then I remembered that I write a blog about this comic strip.  Luckily.

Hi and Lois, 4/14/09

4/14/09

Aaaahhhh, finally, Tax Comix!  And the day before our taxes are due!  H&L, you have surprised me!

Er, are doing one’s taxes really that, ahem, taxing nowadays?  Now that we have our fancy-schmancy computer programs and so forth.  I mean, it’s really not that difficult: enter your W2s, 1099s if you have them (I do, sometimes), enter your deductions… bam.  You’re done.  Maybe it’s just me, but it’s not like the friggin’ Apocalypse or something. It doesn’t make me dream up fakey prescription medications that no doubt have a laundry list of side-effects.  Tax Lax, indeed.  What is this sudden fascination with prescription medications?  It may be that the writers are old.

Anyhoozle.

I’ve got House Hunters on in the background while I write this (shut up, it’s either that or Generic “An Animal Is Eating Me” Show), and one of the homebuyers has the same name as I do.  And the realtor keeps saying her name; like, sandwiching sentences with it.  “KT, how do you like this room, KT?”  It’s very distracting.  I’m always suspicious of people who use people’s names too often.  I know they do it to seem more friendly and personable.  It doesn’t work on me.

Posted in "quotes", crossed arms, from the mouths of babes, google-eyes, half-assed, munny, skipped periods | 2 Comments »