High On ‘Lois’

when cartoonists stop caring.

Archive for the ‘god what awful noyz’ Category

Happy Monday! I guess.

Posted by The Author on June 1, 2009

Let’s get this over with.  I mean, let’s read some Comix!

Hi and Lois, 5/28/09

5/28/09

I don’t have much to say about this one except: now that’s squalor.  My room has looked like that many a time, what with random bitty scraps of paper lying around.  I don’t know about every single drawer bulging open, though.  I’d rather not put anything in drawers at all.  I’m betting Lois is wishing she hadn’t lined the floors with black carpet over the entire house.

Hi and Lois, 5/29/09

5/29/09

Computers will always be too slow, because our attention spans are continuing to wane.  The idea of a Computer-Of-The-Month club both excites and terrifies me, touching both my nerdy and environmentalist sides.  Anyway, what was I talking about?  Oh yeah.  People suck.

Hi and Lois, 5/30/09

5/30/09

Golf! It’s funny!  Screw you.

Hi and Lois, 5/31/09

5/31/09

Okay. Here we go.  The real meat ‘n’ potatoes of this week.  I can just never get enough of Noyz, can you?  They have such a coherent style!  I’m kidding, of course.  What the Eff.  Chip, are you a hippie?  What’s Mohawk Guy doing there?  Jerry!  Are you supposed to be a bellhop?

I read this comic in the Sunday paper, initially, and knew I just had to see the throwaway panels.  I hoped that they would contain more of Chip’s brilliant lyrics, but it does not.  Apparently the band only has two songs, “Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah (Can You Here Me Now)” and this gem, the Shortest, Angriest Song in the World.  Now, I listen to some pretty questionable music sometimes.  Never have I heard a lyric as explicit and vulgar as “Go ahead and Die! Die! Die!”.  I think they need some work.  Also, what the hell?  Don’t they know that Hi is a Baby-Boomer Parental Figure and will object to all music that doesn’t come from, I dunno, Neil Young or someone?*

They don’t have girlfriends.  Who’s surprised?

That about wraps up the month of May, I guess.  I’ll start with today’s comic tomorrow, along with tomorrow’s comic.  Did that make sense?  I’m sure it did.  See you later.

*Digression: My father has begun playing the video game Rock Band recently, and lemme tell you — it’s the strangest thing in the world to see my dad playing Rage Against The Machine songs and asking what the lyrics are in a Linkin Park song.  “What are they saying?  Stand up when you’re talking to me?”  No, Dad, it’s shut up when you’re talking to me, a physical impossibility unless you know sign language.

Posted in "quotes", age, crossed arms, god what awful noyz, google-eyes, headbands, skipped periods | 4 Comments »

The best birthday ever, or the worst?

Posted by The Author on May 8, 2009

Hi and Lois, 5/8/09

5/8/09

A-wiggida-whaaaat?? Wasn’t it just yesterday that I lamented about not knowing the name of Chip’s Portly Friend?  Well, ask and ye shall receive, it seems, because today we finally learn his moniker.  Jerry.  Completely lackluster.  And it still doesn’t explain why he’s always wearing a too-tiny sailor’s cap (or possibly a hard-boiled egg in a cup).  And I had to consult the Internet to find out what “NRBQ” is.  Surprise, it’s a band.  And I don’t think Portly Jerry or Chip listens to them.*  Funny, I kept thinking of barbeque for some reason.

Anyhoozle.  Coming from a person who has worked a lot of “freebies”, all I can say is that it will take their band many a year before they start getting paid for anything.  Maybe more quickly if they stopped wearing such ridiculous clothing.  Is that a headband, Chip, or did someone saw off the top of your skull and hastily paste it back on before you had time to notice?  Does this attract girls?  How many guests will be at Jane Price’s Birthday Slumber Party?  Four?  A few dozen?  Dude, I am so totally there!  Don’t get too excited, Jerry Portman — boys don’t actually get to stay for the hair-braiding and bepantied pillowfights.**

*I could be wrong.  NRBQ have a song on the soundtrack for the show Weeds.

**Unless the definition of “slumber party” has changed since I was in high school.  The term “hooking up” certainly has.

Posted in god what awful noyz, headbands, real-ish | Leave a Comment »

Bring in da Noyz, bring in the What the F**k?!

Posted by The Author on April 27, 2009

Argh.  Thanks for the encouraging (and sometimes sarcastic) comments.  I’m about a week and a half behind, I know.  I figure I’ll just do two comics a day or so until I’m caught up, because, seriously, there were some strange comics these past few days.  Anyway.  I just got back from the first day of my new day-job and I’m tired and cranky, so this will probably be short and uncharacteristically mean-spirited.  But I guess we’ll see.

Hi and Lois, 4/26/09

4/26/09

This is yesterday’s comic. I initially read it in the newspaper, so I didn’t get the perplexing throwaway panel.  “Blah blah blah blah blah.  CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW?!”  Um.  What?  Are these lyrics, or is it just a sound check?  Either way, I am saddened.  That is the worst song/soundcheck I have ever heard.  But then again, what can you expect from a band called “Noyz”?

Chip’s getup is absolutely ludicrous.  What the fark is he wearing?  A ladybug-patterned sock-cap?  Apparently it brings in the lady listeners, however, as three girls inexplicably appear and show interest in these three clowns.  Those girls would not be interested in those boys.  Those boys are losers.  Period.  “Grab a seat”?  Where?

Also, on a side-note, have you noticed that all the fictional bands you see in the comics or in cartoons or whatever lack a proper bass and have one guy (or girl) on the keyboard?  Now, I’m very positive towards synthesizers (I love me some Depeche Mode), but where hath gone all the basses?  Do they think viewers would be confused if there were two guitar-shaped instruments?  Also, notice how Portly Friend’s kickdrum lacks an actual kicking mechanisim.  I know H&L isn’t known for its fantastic artwork, but still…

Hi and Lois, 4/27/09

4/27/09

And now, today’s comic.

Well, Hi, you have to include wages for staff, including the host/hostess, servers, cooks, busboys; and for the general maintenance of the restaurant itself.  But oh, wait, that’s the logical, non-funny answer.  The funny answer is… oh, wait, there’s no funny answer in this comic, either.  Do they have enough money to pay the bill, or will they be sent back to wash dishes?  Er, does that ever happen in real life?  I would like to say “probably not”.

That’s enough for today.  I need to go break up a dogfight.

Posted in crossed arms, god what awful noyz, munny, real-ish, skipped periods, wtf | 3 Comments »