High On ‘Lois’

when cartoonists stop caring.

Archive for the ‘gender’ Category

Friday? More like TWOiday… okay, maybe not.

Posted by The Author on May 1, 2009

Happy Mayday!  Happy First Day of the Summer Blockbuster Season!

Hi and Lois, 5/1/09

5/1/09

Yeah, Chip, and that way you can kill the earth twice as fast and make twice as much noise!  BRAP!

There is someone on my block (who shall remain nameless, but it may be my neighbor) who cuts their grass upwards of three times a week.  Like, every other day.  As a result, their lawn often looks like a patch of Astroturf.  The color is also pretty close to the sickly, muted lime-green we’re seeing in today’s strip.  Noice!*

I tried mowing the lawn once.  Well, it wasn’t by choice.  My daddy made me put on close-toed shoes and try manuvering the mower along the most uneven part of our property.  It was a tad difficult (read: impossible), considering that: 1) it was the absolute first time I was doing it, 2) our mower is ridiculously heavy and one needs the strength of a thousand Ancient Egyptians to budge it a couple of inches, and 3) I don’t even break 5′ 4″ on a good day.  So, needless to say, I had the priviledge taken away from me in less than three minutes.

And now, our blast from the past!! Er, yeah.

Hi and Lois, 4/24/09

4/24/09

Hmm, maybe I should have included this one in yesterday’s post.  H&L does seem to talk about movies a lot, doesn’t it?  Anyhoozle.  Chip, dear, even if you were going to two films in the same night (which I would call a “bad idea”), it wouldn’t cost forty dollars.  Maybe twenty-five or so.  Are you going on a Friday?  That is your first mistake.  Well, no, it’s your second mistake; suggesting you see two movies is the first.  Why don’t you just sneak into another theater after the first flick has concluded?  You’re supposed to be a badass slacker, after all.  Do I have to tell you everything? How long have you been a teenager??

Another question: which movie will they see first?  Perilous World Situation (With ‘Splosions), or Girl Meets Boy Initial Attraction Misunderstanding Cheerful Conclusion Happily Ever After?  I wouldn’t trust that girl as my date.  She’s gabbing away on her cell phone as Chip negotiates funds for the evening.  And she’s either not wearing shoes or has knee-high pink Uggs.  Which is worse?

*Almost didn’t add this footnote!  It means “nice”, in case ya didn’t know.

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Posted in age, gender, H&L history, teh moviez | Leave a Comment »

Tuesday is Random Subject Extravaganza Day

Posted by The Author on March 31, 2009

I wasn’t going to make a post this evening, seeing as the last few days of H&L have been terrible, and un-motivating, and soul-sucking, and… well, you know.  But then I came to today’s strip, and, well, I’ve got to talk about it, because it is a horror show, quite literally.  Well, not literally, but… er, anyway, first here are the last few days of H&L:

Hi and Lois, 3/29/09

3/29/09

Once again, the ol’ “wimmins have too many things, what with their closets and closets full of shoes” and the even older “menz are ruff and tuff and need no possessions, except for a gun”, and Hi keeps his in the nightstand.  So, yes, Lois, he does need it.  Also, I ask you, do any women run around cleaning the house in an old throw-up green college jersey from U Conn (do they live in Connecticut?  They never talk about going to “the city”, though, do they?) and a pink polka-dot ‘kerchief?  Well, I guess I do wear a pink ‘kerchief (I am not kidding).  Anyway.  This comic eats.

Hi and Lois, 3/30/09

3/30/09, fer reals

Is it just me, or does Ditto look like he’s balding in the first panel?  Oh, Color Monkeys!  You provide me with endless amusement.

Recently (okay, way back in January of Ought Nine) I took part in a national commercial for [Insert Popular Restaurant Name Here], assisting in casting of extras during pre-production and being an extra myself on the second day of the shoot.  Fer reals.  I will tell you this: we were in a large stadium, and basketball was involved.  We were there for a long-o time, about thirteen hours (people do not realize how long film and commercial work takes: it is a lot), and at one point, to stave off boredom as we watched the basketball players go through the same routine over and over again, take after take, and faking excitement as a crowd member, take after take, I tried to be funny by demonstrating my lack of basketball knowledge.  “I hope we don’t go into overtime!” I said jokingly.

My seatmate said, “That’s a legitimate term in basketball.”  It’s true, it is; it also was part of the commercial, as I would later find out.  D’oh.

A little later on: “C’mon, Team! Make a field goal!”

“No, that’s real, too.”

“Really?”

“Really.”  And it went on like that.  Fun times.  You had to be there.  Anyway, my point is that I don’t know if 258 is good or not because I have no frame of reference.  See what I did there?  “Frame”!  Like in bowling!  Ahahaha!

Hi and Lois, 3/31/09

3/31/09

AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH

Where the dingity-dang is the joke in this strip?  That Trixie is going to kill her entire family whilst they slumber, like some kind of Real-Life Chucky?  Is she possessed?  What are they watching?  Friggin’ The Ring or The Eye or something?  Or perhaps Lois is saying “How can you watch this Scary Movie with your [etc]”, in which case we have even more to worry about, as Trixie will go around saying WASSSSAAAAP* until her teen years.  That is considerably worse, since the pain and suffering will last a lot longer.  Let’s pray for “kill in sleep”.

*I confess that I have never actually seen Scary Movie, but I have seen the previews, and that’s the only part I remember.  And therein lies the danger of putting ephemeral pop culture references in your movies, folks: in a few years (and sometimes months) it will seem hopelessly dated.  Just look at the pile o’ crapola Disaster Movie, which I think wrote its movie-making-fun-of jokes before said movies were even released to the public.  Stupid, stupid people; at long last, sir, do they have no sense of decency?  But that is the subject of another post, wouldn’t you say?  I think so.

Posted in "quotes", color monkeys, crossed arms, from the mouths of babes, gender, horror, skipped periods | 2 Comments »

Get yer motor running

Posted by The Author on March 27, 2009

Hoo-ah!  Two comics today!  Because I missed yesterday.

Hi and Lois, 3/26/09

3/26/09

This is why I missed yesterday.  Snoooo-zers.  Y’know, I was quite the museum fiend back in my salad days, always excited to go to the Science Museum or the Modern Art Museum, such and so forth.  Actually, I lived two blocks from a major art museum for a good four years, whilst in college, and took advantage of free admission on a monthly (if not weekly) basis.  The museum, to me, was never synonymous with “boring”.  “Museum” meant dinosaurs, and explorations of the human body, and stuffed wild animals, and weird art.  I don’t believe I’ve ever seen a Really Gross Bug Exhibit before, but I have experienced my share of grody-o millipedes and stuff, which I have never wanted to touch or look at or think about, ever.

The point of the comic?  Ditto is a dumb boy who abhors learning in any form and is only interested in the Snakes Snails Puppydog-Tails form of entertainment.  Boys are crass and unfeeling.

At least I got a break from the pink today.  Everyone seems to be going Goth instead.

Hi and Lois, 3/27/09

3/27/09

A Biker Lawyer?  A Biker Lawyer? Is this a real thing? Are you just making crap up now?  It doesn’t really roll off the tongue, does it?  Say it with me.  Biker Lawyer.  Biker Lawyer.  See?  It’s like trying to say “Calm Tom” or “Unique New York”.  Words that are easy to say individually but less so together.  That’s called an assonant.  Now you know.

Okay, even though “Biker Lawyer” doesn’t have a Wikipedia page, apparently it is a real thing, though for the life of me I can’t figure out what.  Though Lois mentions motorcycles, the first thing I thought of was a bicycle.  Do lawyers really chase ambulances?  Can I be a Ferrari Lawyer?

What is Hi doing in the comic?  He is not doing a danged thing, that’s what, just reading the scribbly newspaper in his glovey hands.

Posted in crossed arms, gender, wtf | 3 Comments »

Reduce, reuse… you know.

Posted by The Author on March 10, 2009

I meant for this to go up last night, but my wireless connection took a quick vacation, leaving me sans Internet for the time being.  It’s back now, and I have no more excuses.

Quick note: it seems like some people are reading this blog!  (Other than Kaitlyn and myself, I mean.)  Someone arrived here via a search for The Daily Comics Review, and I’m sure they were disappointed.  Anyhoozle.  I’ve been doing this for about two weeks now, which was about twelve days longer than I thought I would subject myself to a steady diet of H&L.  Sometimes I wish I had picked a different monstrosity strip, but honestly, doesn’t every other comic have their own blog already?  Fer reals.

Hi and Lois, 3/9/09

H&L, 3/9/09

Anyway.  This is why I skipped yesterday’s comic: because it is dry toast.  I can only assume that Hi didn’t even wake up as his twin demon children propped him up and wedged himself under their arms.  And then arrives back from her part-part-part time job as a German hausfrau.

Hi and Lois, 3/10/09

H&L, 3/10/09

(sigh) Well, I’m a big ol’ feminist-head, so obviously I’m a bit miffed by the content of today’s strip.  I know I can’t expect a whole lot from a comic that began its life in mid-50s America and is written (drawn? conceived? regurgitated?) by three dudes trapped in the web of nepotism, but, seriously.  I’m skeptical that Mrs. Flagston’s feminine instincts will cause her not only to adorn the trash in a giant carmine-colored bow, but polish the garbage bag so that it practically shines.

The presence of The Garbagemen often perplexed me as a youth.  Did the Garbagemen of yesteryear really go around wearing overalls, a ‘kerchief, and a hat that recalls the jagged edge of a tin can lid?  And smoking a corncob pipe to boot.  Maybe my Garbagemen come around too early for me to get a good look at them, or maybe my suburb is too snooty to have Earthy, Small-Town Salt-of-the-Earth types, but I doubt any waste management workers have enough time to mill around people’s trash cans and have long conversations about thoughtful presentation.

Any questions I have about how the background is supposed to work will be quickly and quietly forgotten.  Is that truck moving, or what?

Posted in crossed arms, gender, google-eyes, half-assed, mutations | 1 Comment »