High On ‘Lois’

when cartoonists stop caring.

Archive for the ‘drunkeness’ Category

“Golf is a good walk spoiled.”

Posted by The Author on May 16, 2009

Wooo!  Saturday!  Now that I work for most of the week*, getting an actual “weekend” in terms of “time off” makes me feel like a grownup.  It also makes me tired, and while writing an entry for my Comix Blog isn’t the last thing I want to be doing, it certainly isn’t the first.  But, ah, I am trying to be more consistent.  And if I don’t do it now, I’ll have to do it later.  So, buckle up; it’s time for H&L Hee-Larity.

Hi and Lois, 5/16/09


I am not a middle-aged American white man (as you may have noticed), so I don’t play golf.  And because of that, I don’t get the joke in today’s comic.  So, as a life-long learner, I looked up the term “scratch golfer”, which is apparently is a golfer whose handicap is zero.  Oh, that clears it up!  I’m lying, of course; if anything, it raises more questions.  What is this “handicap” of which you speak?  How does one determine a  handicap?  Is it anything like in Halo when you can set someone’s health 600% higher to level the playing field because they suck so bad?  Perhaps.  So!  Tom’s a scratch golfer, is he?  That bastard.  I guess that makes Mr. T a bogey.  Or something.  I have to consult my notes.

But don’t despair, Mr. T!  Things aren’t as bad as they seem!  Sure, Scratchman Tom can shoot a perfect golf game and has a spiffy little visor and a fruity little golf-glove.  But he doesn’t have your dissatisfied marriage and rampant alcoholism!  Oh, wait.

Title comes from — who else? — Mark Twain.

*Take a shot!


Posted in drunkeness, golf | Leave a Comment »

Go Team Mobile!

Posted by The Author on May 15, 2009

Hi and Lois, 5/15/09


Oh, those teenagers and their texting and their YouTubes and fax machines and hula-hoops.  Since I don’t think Chip has a job (I don’t know how I came to that conclusion, but methinks it is accurate), who pays for that extravagant cell phone and the subsequent texts?  Mom and Dad, of course.  So why waste four cents when you can just shout at your children instead?

The final panel is a total mess.  First of all, it’s summer.  Are they eating dinner at nine o’clock?  It’s pitch-black outside.  Hi is buzzed on three post-work dirty martinis and can barely lift his fork to shovel indiscriminate food-lumps into his mouth.  And Trixie is nowhere to be found.  Probably she’s frolicking in the rat poison.  Also, Chip’s second word balloon is flamboyantly oversized for the text inside.  Perhaps in the original version of this comic he spouted out something too radical and shocking to be printed in papers.  But that’s a pipe dream.

(Note: the title of this post is pretty obscure.  Sorry.)

Posted in crossed arms, drunkeness, technology | 2 Comments »

Whatever happened to “be excellent to each other”?

Posted by The Author on April 3, 2009

Argh.  Dudes.  I’m trying to revamp my website (which shall remain nameless — it is from my other life [meaning, job-life]), and it’s driving me nuts-o.  Apparently all these months of blogging and relying on templates has caused my HTML skills to, er, rust a little, so I find myself stumbling around, yelling at the computer when I find out that the “align” attribute in the <div> tag has been deprecated.  Change sucks, yo — especially when I’m expected to know cascading style sheets in order to build a stupid little webpage.  It may just be that my web host is drivin’ me crazy, too.  I would like to have the ability to transfer a file from one folder to another, thank you very much!  Arglebargle!

Ahem.  But anyway. Why not take a break and bask in the calming effects of H&L.  Won’t you?

Hi and Lois, 4/3/09


What the brickity-brack paddy-whack is going on in this strip?!  Up is down!  Black is white!  People’s hairstyles seem to be morphing from panel to panel!  We all know that Thurston is a blond.  He has always been a blond.  Apparently this morning, in his ever-present drunken haze, has confused his shampoo with a bottle of his wife’s hair dye.  Maybe it’s a wig, two days too late for April Fool’s Day.  Whatever it is, it’s creepin’ me out.  And Hi, between Panel One and Panel Two, seems to have taken a buzzer to the side of his head, so he may sport the “punk” look that all the kids have these days.

Generic Crotchety Boss uses the word “like” in an all too casual manner.  Do bosses really talk like that nowadays?  “I am so totally firing you, brah,” he will probably say at the next employee performance review.  “Dude.  Those reports?  Totally heinous.”  Do beer-bong drinkin’, puka-shell wearin’, tribal-tat havin’ frat boys actually say “heinous”?  I hope they do.

The point is that this comic has failed on many levels.

Posted in color monkeys, drunkeness, mutations, wtf | 2 Comments »