High On ‘Lois’

when cartoonists stop caring.

Archive for the ‘age’ Category

Happy Monday! I guess.

Posted by The Author on June 1, 2009

Let’s get this over with.  I mean, let’s read some Comix!

Hi and Lois, 5/28/09

5/28/09

I don’t have much to say about this one except: now that’s squalor.  My room has looked like that many a time, what with random bitty scraps of paper lying around.  I don’t know about every single drawer bulging open, though.  I’d rather not put anything in drawers at all.  I’m betting Lois is wishing she hadn’t lined the floors with black carpet over the entire house.

Hi and Lois, 5/29/09

5/29/09

Computers will always be too slow, because our attention spans are continuing to wane.  The idea of a Computer-Of-The-Month club both excites and terrifies me, touching both my nerdy and environmentalist sides.  Anyway, what was I talking about?  Oh yeah.  People suck.

Hi and Lois, 5/30/09

5/30/09

Golf! It’s funny!  Screw you.

Hi and Lois, 5/31/09

5/31/09

Okay. Here we go.  The real meat ‘n’ potatoes of this week.  I can just never get enough of Noyz, can you?  They have such a coherent style!  I’m kidding, of course.  What the Eff.  Chip, are you a hippie?  What’s Mohawk Guy doing there?  Jerry!  Are you supposed to be a bellhop?

I read this comic in the Sunday paper, initially, and knew I just had to see the throwaway panels.  I hoped that they would contain more of Chip’s brilliant lyrics, but it does not.  Apparently the band only has two songs, “Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah (Can You Here Me Now)” and this gem, the Shortest, Angriest Song in the World.  Now, I listen to some pretty questionable music sometimes.  Never have I heard a lyric as explicit and vulgar as “Go ahead and Die! Die! Die!”.  I think they need some work.  Also, what the hell?  Don’t they know that Hi is a Baby-Boomer Parental Figure and will object to all music that doesn’t come from, I dunno, Neil Young or someone?*

They don’t have girlfriends.  Who’s surprised?

That about wraps up the month of May, I guess.  I’ll start with today’s comic tomorrow, along with tomorrow’s comic.  Did that make sense?  I’m sure it did.  See you later.

*Digression: My father has begun playing the video game Rock Band recently, and lemme tell you — it’s the strangest thing in the world to see my dad playing Rage Against The Machine songs and asking what the lyrics are in a Linkin Park song.  “What are they saying?  Stand up when you’re talking to me?”  No, Dad, it’s shut up when you’re talking to me, a physical impossibility unless you know sign language.

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Posted in "quotes", age, crossed arms, god what awful noyz, google-eyes, headbands, skipped periods | 4 Comments »

Social lives are for ethnic people.

Posted by The Author on May 24, 2009

I would have had a post up yesterday, but I have a terrible case of Bad Internet.  So anyway.  Let’s get this over with.

Hi and Lois, 5/23/09

5/23/09

Where are they?  I don’t know.  Perhaps they’re coming from church, whose steeple I can see towering in the background.  Does… does anyone ever stop an entire group of people just to tell them what a lovely family they are, sans the moody teenage son?  People stop to tell us how cute our dogs are.  And of course, everyone thought I was an adorable baby.  But this…?  It’s a bit odd.  You don’t even know that they are a family, ma’am, or that Hi is their real father.  Which he isn’t.

Anyway.  I like (yes, like) two things about this strip.  I un-ironically like that the date is written on the door of the non-descript building — an actual good example of incorporating the meta with the art.  I ironically like the bleak, torn Circus poster hanging next to Chip’s devil-may-care pose.  Chip.  You are fooling no one.

Hi and Lois, 5/24/09

5/24/09

Auurgh, this is such crap.  No, sorry, that’s not funny — I need to actually point out some things.  What follows are things that I am pointing out.

  • Milton! says Lois’s shirt.  Or does it say… Wilton?  I can’t really tell.  If it really does say Wilton, that proves a point we’ve been pondering in the comments.  Another shout out to the homies in Connecticut from my dawgs B & G Walker.  Does Lois wear anything on her day off that doesn’t recall college?
  • Debbie and J.C.; are they too a real entity?  Or is “J.C.” merely a reminder of our Lord Christ?
  • There doesn’t seem to be a proper apostrophe in Lois’s second-panel dialogue.  “Weve”?  Also, check out that thousand mile stare as she remembers happier times.
  • Also, “Yay!”?  Are we three years old, Lois?
  • The wide shot of the squalid living room kinda cracks me up.  It is practically cartoonish in its ruin, is it not?  A sock hanging off the lamp.  Empty cans of Beige Brand Beer lying sideways on the coffee table.  A bulging bookbag hooked precariously over the edge of the flatscreen television, threatening to pull it over and shatter it all over the damn carpet.  No house looks like this.  (Well, I hope no house does.)
  • It might be difficult to see in the tiny web-version of the comic, but Trixie is defying the laws of physics.  She brings down a dustbunny (or crumpled paper, or cartoon cloud) in her tiny hand, and then radically alters its projectory so that it flies across the room instead of burying itself in the ground?  This was drawn by the same people who don’t know how motion lines work.
  • The Flagston Parents live a sad and lonely life, alienated from the other families who have a more sane amount of offspring.
  • God, these people cross their arms more than anyone on earth!  No one crosses their arms that much!  I know you’re trying to add variety and sassiness to your drawings but it’s just annoying me!
  • Sorry about that.

Happy Labor Day Memorial Day weekend!  I mix those two up sometimes.

Posted in age, crossed arms, real-ish, skipped periods | Leave a Comment »

Friday? More like TWOiday… okay, maybe not.

Posted by The Author on May 1, 2009

Happy Mayday!  Happy First Day of the Summer Blockbuster Season!

Hi and Lois, 5/1/09

5/1/09

Yeah, Chip, and that way you can kill the earth twice as fast and make twice as much noise!  BRAP!

There is someone on my block (who shall remain nameless, but it may be my neighbor) who cuts their grass upwards of three times a week.  Like, every other day.  As a result, their lawn often looks like a patch of Astroturf.  The color is also pretty close to the sickly, muted lime-green we’re seeing in today’s strip.  Noice!*

I tried mowing the lawn once.  Well, it wasn’t by choice.  My daddy made me put on close-toed shoes and try manuvering the mower along the most uneven part of our property.  It was a tad difficult (read: impossible), considering that: 1) it was the absolute first time I was doing it, 2) our mower is ridiculously heavy and one needs the strength of a thousand Ancient Egyptians to budge it a couple of inches, and 3) I don’t even break 5′ 4″ on a good day.  So, needless to say, I had the priviledge taken away from me in less than three minutes.

And now, our blast from the past!! Er, yeah.

Hi and Lois, 4/24/09

4/24/09

Hmm, maybe I should have included this one in yesterday’s post.  H&L does seem to talk about movies a lot, doesn’t it?  Anyhoozle.  Chip, dear, even if you were going to two films in the same night (which I would call a “bad idea”), it wouldn’t cost forty dollars.  Maybe twenty-five or so.  Are you going on a Friday?  That is your first mistake.  Well, no, it’s your second mistake; suggesting you see two movies is the first.  Why don’t you just sneak into another theater after the first flick has concluded?  You’re supposed to be a badass slacker, after all.  Do I have to tell you everything? How long have you been a teenager??

Another question: which movie will they see first?  Perilous World Situation (With ‘Splosions), or Girl Meets Boy Initial Attraction Misunderstanding Cheerful Conclusion Happily Ever After?  I wouldn’t trust that girl as my date.  She’s gabbing away on her cell phone as Chip negotiates funds for the evening.  And she’s either not wearing shoes or has knee-high pink Uggs.  Which is worse?

*Almost didn’t add this footnote!  It means “nice”, in case ya didn’t know.

Posted in age, gender, H&L history, teh moviez | Leave a Comment »

More common than you’d think.

Posted by The Author on April 4, 2009

Hi and Lois, 4/4/09

4/4/09

AAAAAHHHHH TOO MUCH INFORMATION

It looks like the wacky hairstyles of yesterday have carried over to today’s strip.  They must have just put new Color Monkeys on staff.  Anyhoozle.  What the crap.  “Maladies”?  I may use big words sometimes (I’m megagaltastic!), but that’s pushin’ it.  Maladies, indeed.

This comic is totes* on the edge, what with its not-so-subtle discussion of urine and the power of suggestion.  That’s gross, guys.  Remember a couple years ago, that one commercial for some make-you-stop-peeing medicine, and it had a little theme song that went, basically, gotta go gotta go gotta go right now, over and over again?**  Well, I do.  I wonder who those people are, the ones with this terrible “malady”.  Older folks?  Maybe.  There is a Pluggers joke here, I just know it.

Why is Hi hanging out with Thurston so much lately?  Trying to get away from his wife, lest they have yet another kid.  Look, guys, it’s two in the morning.  I have to go to bed, not sit around reading crappy comix.

*Short for “totally”.  I made it up, I hope.

**When I wrote that, the song “Don’t Go” by Yaz popped up on my Pandora playlist.  El oh el.  On a side-side note, do you wonder if Yaz is miffed that their name is now used for a birth control pill with annoying commercials?  Because I would be.

Programming note: DUDES AND LADIES, I totally got 63 hits yesterday. THAT IS A LOT.  COLOR ME AMAZED.

Posted in age, color monkeys, skipped periods, wtf | 3 Comments »

Boys Don’t Cry

Posted by The Author on March 4, 2009

Hi and Lois, 3/4/09
H&L, 3/4/09

“It seems like only yesterday he was saying that I was the only one in his life… two-faced bastard.  I should have known it was too good to be true.”

At least Ditto can take solace in the fact that Don seems to be dating his own sister.  How far the mighty have fallen.

Posted in age, horror, skipped periods | Leave a Comment »

Shady Pines, Ma!

Posted by The Author on March 2, 2009

Hi and Lois, 3/2/09
H&L, 3/2/09

Snooooz-ers.  Before I started this Blog, there were weeks and weeks of mind-bendingly terrible H&Ls that provided plenty of snark-fodder.  Now what do I got?  The blandest of the bland.  I suppose I could take solace in the fact that the joke isn’t very funny, and that the word young in the last panel shouldn’t be emphasized, since it adds to the nonsense, but… I cannot.

Don’t these unseen parents get a say in where they stay once they cross that invisible line between competent human being and infantilized vegetable?  Oh, wait, that’s right, they’ll be too senile to care.

Coming up soon: a brief history of H&L that no one everyone has been asking for!

Posted in age, pocket-hands | 1 Comment »